What's in my heart?
Topic: Another Entry
Saturday 11:32am

Upon thinking about my previous entry my thoughts bounced around:
What's in my heart? Leo is about heart. August has been a far calmer Leo time for me compared to July Leo. Hm! I should look at the New Millenium Being newsletter again for Leo to see what I get out of it.

I immediately opened it to the pages I've highlighted and read this:
- complete or clarify relationships
- a new perspective and commitment
- sustain only that which is in alignment with your path
- concentrate on your next step
- stay focused and eliminate all distractions
- examine your motivations and align your goals to match your heart's desires
- devote your available time and resources to working toward what you really want

And for the Leo New Moon tomorrow:
Follow our hearts at this new moon. Set aside time to be with yourself and examine
1 - What you are currently creating and what you wish to create?
2 - What kind of light are you shining? How can you shine your soul light a little brighter?
3 - What is the nature of your soul blueprint? How is it guiding you toward your spiritual destination?

Somehow this brings my thoughts to our paths, whether we consider it spiritual or otherwise. It's so funny how some people will insist that when our paths veer in different directions that they are on a path but we're no longer on a path. If I can say that I believe in anything at all, I can say that I believe that we are all on our own path period. Whatever we choose to call it. Mine is a spiritual path.
As I truly embrace this belief more and more, I also find that I am placing less and less demands on others. If we are all on our own paths, right now, who am I to say that someone should be obligated to me? I don't have the right to ask that of anyone. Nor does anyone have the right to ask it of me. Which is my permission to myself to hibernate or take a break from all the social interaction or participate in the social interactions.

EY

And Me
Topic: Another Entry
9:35am Saturday 4Aug07

With my power struggling frustrations of the last couple weeks and my newest affirmation, I basically came home each day and rewrote my goals to have a more serious focused sense of urgency. Back in the day when I was more worried about work I would have gone out and found another job (and that's not totally out of the question) but these days I feel it's more about my passion. And not in a Tour de France doping scandals cheating kind of passion. Had to add that in.

I've given myself a new weekend goal of five hours of writing before I can go outside to play. If I'm a lazy ass and it takes me all day to get those 5 hours done, well, it sucks to be me.

I am going to get back into checking out the classifieds in the Saturday Star just to see what's out there. You never know, I could end up finding a job that enables me to write more. You have to always be on the lookout in order to be prepared.

I went for a beer Wednesday night because I knew I needed to just sit for a minute before I came home. My plan was to come home and call Montreal to talk to my male bestfriend and chat and laugh. I'm always guaranteed that he will make me laugh. But somehow Wednesday at the bar turned out to be just what I needed. Bartender boy handed me a slice of blueberry pie the moment I came in. Blueberry pie is my favorite. Especially since the blueberry pie craving of 1999 when I ate at least a half a pie for about three months. But I digress.

I chatted with one regular until she left then slid down the bar and chatted with another regular. I had my mingle on. My golfer buddy who is also from Montreal sauntered in and I ended up sitting with him at his table and told him my power struggle story and we flipped back and forth between that and discussing our passions and talking about wasted time and energy and the lack of money and how it can get you so down about yourself and on and on. Everytime it looked like I might be leaving, he bought me another beer. He totally was my surrogate best friend and saved me the long distance call.

And with all that, I'm reminded, that even when it feels like shit is pouring down on you and making you feel stinky, there are sweet little miracles that happen too. People that come out of the woodwork who really hear what you are saying rather than steamrolling you with all their interests. And men! Can I just say that I have seen three of the best looking men I've ever seen in my life and have had conversations with them. That's always a pleasant surprise. A miracle really.

One of the hot men sent me on my way to work yesterday with a spring in my step. I ran into him at the depanneur and he approached me and looked at me like he could have sucked all the meat off my bones. ha ha! It was a nice feeling because he'd remembered me from four years ago and he wasn't looking at me in a gross dirty way and he didn't push it. He told me I looked great then gave my whole body the perusal that spoke volumes. Ah what the heck, yelled volumes. and I liked it. I tell you some guys know how to make you feel like a desirable woman wtihout pushing limits.

And in passing I mentioned to Jojo that I didn't know if I'd make it out over the last couple nights because I was feeling spent and needed to come home and lick my wounds. My girl, kept the contact on high, "do you need me? do you need anything? what can I do for you that'll help?"
And she called me last night when I got home just to make sure that being alone was what I really needed. I promised that I'd be better today and would go and see her (after my five hours of writing of course). Which guarantees a big squishy hug that cracks a few of my bones. ha ha! But it's needed and greatly appreciated.

With the shit storm, It's so nice to know that I have some good supportive people around me.

Anyhow, it's Caribana weekend and I don't quite feel up to the rollerblade over to Jamieson nor the crowds. But it's beautiful weather and my AC has taken the humidity out of my apartment and my cats are nuts but funny and I'm off for 5 days. That's 25 hours of writing, if not more.

Hmm. And I'm craving chicken wings again. I made chicken wings two times this week and am planning to make some more today. ha ha.

EY

Picnic Writing
Topic: Another Entry
Monday 9:37pm 11June07
I came home after work, freshened my sweaty self up so I didn't kill anyone I came close to. I packed up my bags with writing material, food, Cd's and my disc man. I still haven't got an ipod. I walked out the house and over to the park.

Of course my batteries were dead ass dead so I had to go to the store to buy more. I set myself back up on a park bench with my Prince Cd's and blared some tunes and wrote like a fiend. My Prince always inspires me!

I'm thinking I'm going to be doing the poor man's summer. I'll be sitting in a lot of parks during the week and writing. And doing a patio each weekend, hopefully. I really want to be diligent about paying off my bills and parks are still free. But I'm not psycho. I still need a reasonably priced outing each week to feel like I'm taking advantage of the summer and patio weather.

Got a lot of writing done. Wrote a full prologue for Women of the Fold. Got some sun and fresh air. Spent some quality time being inspired by my Prince. And enjoyed the freedom of being single and not having to think about someone else and what they would rather do.

EY/SW

New cat? Not Yet!
Topic: Another Entry
Monday 11June07 9:20pm

Never did get the cat yesterday. I walked to the wrong house, didn't have the right information (can we say Mercury retrograde issues?) I walked up and down the street then decided to stop, call my friends boyfriends name in my head (scream it actually) then make one more trip down the street. Don't I see him about a half mile away? I focus on the red car that he stood beside briefly and walk to the car. Just as I get there he steps back out of the house and says, "Ahh!"

Gotta love a guy that can hear telepathic screams!

I find out that Zoe, the cat, has never lived with other cats (I was told she was used to living with others, I thought that meant other cats). She's used to going outdoors (my cats are indoor cats and so will she be) and she's not exactly as tiny nor as grey as I was led to believe. Nope nope, this is going to be way too stressful for her.

I say that I'd prefer to take her on Friday so I can chaperon her through her stress of a new home, a new mommy, and three new sisters. I couldn't with a good conscious bring her home and leave her alone all day for five days with three new cats and I certainly wouldn't do that to my cats either. And I'm certainly not going to leave her in the bathroom all day either. It's one thing to leave a kitten in there (and that was only a couple days) but a full grown cat? Nope nope.

So she's very sweet and very affectionate. She looks a lot like Picasso. I was hoping she'd look more like Zelda to even out the color scheme, ha ha! Zelda will be the easiest relationship builder because she loves other cats. Picasso and Quincy will be bitter and Zoe will most likely be a mess.
What did I get myself into?

EY

said in a whisper
Topic: Another Entry
Saturday 9June07 2:20pm

Tomorrow I walk a few blocks with my cat carrier case to meet a new girl. Her Mommy is moving to England and can't bring her too.

I say this in a whisper, I'm getting another cat!

EY