Background: It is said that before the universe
was created, there is nothingness. Just a great big vacuum where something
should be. There’s no light, no sound, nothing at all. Well, that gets
boring awful quick, so we’re going to hang a left, and go two universes
down, take a right, and go on until we find a universe much like this one
before it was created. That’s right, it’s still nothing, except for the
little booth marked ‘REGISTRATION’ smack dab in the middle of it. Those of
you asking how there can be a middle in something with no boundaries, just
smile and nod. Anyway, there was this one booth, with one light hanging
over its attendant. She was not the prettiest of attendants, mind you.
Waiting for someone to come and register for an undisclosed amount of time
could do that to a person. Anyway, this guy somehow wandered into this
blank space. He looked real old, long flowing white beard, and a sort of
pseudo-wisdom behind His eyes. He walks up to the booth, and asks if the
universe is for sale. She answers yes, and asks for an ID. He gives her
one marking him as ‘God,’ and she asks for His real ID. He grumbles,
awfully annoyed that He had to give her His real name, and gives her one
marking Him as ‘Phil.’ She snickers, and begins to offer several package
deals to Him. He refuses to have it, and asks for the cheapest one. She
tries to negotiate otherwise, but He insists on getting the cheapest
package. She finally caves in, and offers Him the ‘Start From Scratch’
Package, complete with several blank planets, basic construction tools,
some rations and food, and an eight-pack of workers. He gladly took that,
and, after a little more paperwork, she takes out a rack of eight bags,
all looking like they would hold tuxedos or something. Imagine His
surprise when He opened one up, only to see Raphael inside, giving a
friendly little wave and a friendly little smile... After all the angels
were taken out of their bags, the unpretty registration lady just went
*poof* and disappeared. So, it was just God, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael,
Uriel, Salathiel, Barachiel, Jeremiel, and Lucifer, all by their lonesome,
left to start creating a whole universe. They decided to start with this
little ten-planet system. After a miserably failed attempt with the fifth,
The Man and His Angelic Construction Crew settled on this little dirtball
covered entirely in water. This was going to be very messy.
Character Personality Personalities, eh? You sure? Might end up with an
aneurysm or sumthin’... You don’t care? Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Alrighty. God, um, how do I put this... He’s a clumsy son of a gun. Know
the fourth and fifth planets, and that asteroid belt in between? That used
to be the fourth, fifth, and sixth planets. And He absolutely HATES being
called Phil. Anyone who calls Him Phil must do a good amount of groveling
before reaching His good graces again. Michael, he’d be the brains of the
operation, he knows what he’s doing. But, for now, he has to resort to
being the constantly frustrated and disgruntled lackey. And he’s always on
the end of bad luck, though it never be his fault. Gabriel’s the
judgmental, yet loopy guy. He’s also strangely into cooking. You do
something you regret, and he’s probably gonna offer you a fruit salad
before passing judgment. Raphael’s the joker of the group. He’s always
playing a prank or telling a joke. He’s also got the tinker’s touch to
him, loves making little gadgets and whatnot to amuse himself, ends up
creating a bunch of havoc in the end. Jeremiel’s even loopier than Gabriel
is. Always promoting peace and love and mercy and all that. Uriel is just
THERE. He’s constantly listening to everyone else gripe. Then, when he has
time, he usually takes out his frustrations on someone less powerful and
smaller than he. Salathiel’s always asking questions, so he’s an annoying
bugger. Barachiel, well, if alcoholics existed, he’d be one. He’s also got
a lucky streak a mile wide. Something falls from the sky in his general
direction, it’s probably gonna land on Michael’s head instead. And
Lucifer... well, some describe him as awful fruity, and he tries to be a
nice guy... In summary: And so, all things God did were good, though most
of them be mistakes, as they were yesterday, and the day before that, and
the day before that, and so on and so forth, and today He doth remain ‘The
God,’ and the day is called His Day, despite Michael (truly ‘The Man’ as
‘twere) and his obviously superior intelligence and reasoning
capabilities...
Powers and Abilities
The First Day
- Power: Spellcraft
- Level: Superior
- Kit Power Link: Avatar
- Advantage: Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large,
circular area.
On the first day,
everyone was wandering around, bumping into each other and tripping over
stuff. Well, the big problem was that when the registration lady went, she
took her light with her. After a few more hours of stumbling along
blindly, Michael and Lucifer suggested that God make light, a really nifty
item that they had heard of from other angels from other universes. God
thought it was a pretty good idea, and made this light. After a few flawed
attempts, which caused red light to be associated with anger and blue
light to be associated to depression, God came up with a near-perfect,
clear light. And so God saw that it was indeed, good, and gave the
responsibility of light to Raphael (a bad idea in itself), which served to
annoy Lucifer and cause mass grumbling from Michael...
The Second Day
- Power: Weather
Control
- Level: Standard
- Advantage: Area Effect This attack causes damage in a large,
circular area.
On the second day,
everyone began to get a little annoyed that they had to constantly walk
around in water. God announced that He was still too tired to actually
move all of the water, until Salathiel asked if He could just make a level
that they could stand on, above the water. God, liking the idea, created
this platform, and called it ‘Heaven,’ for reasons only He could fathom
for the time being. Some say it was because Uriel was munching on some
cream cheese product with the logo ‘A slice of heaven,’ and God was
feeling unoriginal. Some also say that’s why the clouds on which Heaven is
based are all white and puffy. In a few more hours, everyone began to get
bored. So Raphael went back down to Earth, filled a bucket full of water,
and dumped it on Salathiel’s head, though it was he who came up with the
good idea. God, being massively amused by this, decided to take a large
amount of water from the surface, and store it in the clouds. This
‘rainwater phenomenon,’ as it was called, was only made worse when Uriel
accidentally discovered static electricity. And so God saw that it was
indeed, good, and used Heaven as a perch in which He would dump rainwater
and other assorted items on anyone unlucky enough to be below Him...
The Third Day
On the third
day, God was sitting back in His Holier Than Thou Recliner, watching
Genesis-Day Football (Angels versus Angels, remember Lucifer hasn’t gotten
the big ole’ kick down there yet) on His Twenty-Six-Inch Television With
Dolby Surround Sound (sometimes it’s just best to smile and nod and to
forget about asking questions), munching on His Pretzel-Popcorn-Beernut
Mix and brooding in the heavens. He had been quite angry most of the day
after Lucifer had started calling Him by His real name, which had
instantly soured His day. So, now He was trying to dislodge a popcorn
kernel from His teeth with a toothpick. He did dislodge it, along with
some of last week’s salad mix (courtesy of Gabriel; the angel had to have
a broccoli infatuation or something), and unwittingly threw it at His
little planet, embedding it deep in its surface. To make a long story
short, the broccoli got bored and began to take over the toothpick,
meantime wondering why it had not been digested yet. For no truly viable
reason at all, God decided to check up on His planet, and was quaintly
surprised to find a ‘tree,’ as He dubbed it (or a toothpick covered with
broccoli, as Michael irritably insisted it was). Gabriel eventually came
upon this ‘tree’ also, and insisted that God stop drowning it. Michael,
being the glutton for punishment he is, suggested the God move the waters
around it, and expose the dirt underneath. After excessive amounts of
grumbling from the Holy One, God did eventually draw back the waters, only
to find that dry land was another one of ‘His’ pretty nifty ideas. And so
God saw that it was indeed, good, and eventually began to ponder what the
pattern of the landmasses He was going to create would be, once again
causing mass grumbling by Michael, as well as pondering about what kinds
of trees He would make...
The Fourth Day
On the fourth day, God
finally realized exactly how bad of an idea it was to give the
responsibility of light to Raphael. He kept flipping it on and off when
the other angels were doing something important, and it usually ended with
them tripping up severely. God got so irritated with Raphael’s constant
giggling that He began to debate how He was going to basically razz him.
Jeremiel then wished that he had a flashlight or something to the like,
conveniently out loud and during one of Raphael’s blackouts. Lo and
behold, God had another nifty idea, and it someone came into fruition by
separating light into the sun, moon, and stars, and giving the
responsibility to Uriel. So what did Uriel do with it? He came up with
this crazy system of days and nights that he decided to implement, because
night wasn’t really getting its due time it deserved. The other angels did
get really disgusted with this, but eventually decided that nighttime was
a perfect time to rest. God eventually assented, finding that nighttime
had the unusual ability to make Him feel really tired. Actually, anything
caught in this sudden switch of lighting often ended up feeling really
tired. And so God saw that it was indeed, good, as did everyone else, and
they all began to sleep for extended periods of time, being the lazy ones
most of them were...
The Fifth Day
On the fifth
day, Jeremiel began to get bored. I mean really, really bored. And for
someone as loopy as he was to get bored, well, it was merely not a good
thing. So he began to make paper boats, and setting them at any river or
stream or flash flood he could come across. But he began to get bored with
that too, so he began to make paper airplanes, and tossing them
everywhere. By this time, he had caught several of the angels’ angelic
attention (excluding Michael’s, who was still trying to recover from
having a watermelon fall on his head; yes, God did try to make watermelon
trees, as he did with apples, potatoes, onions, and, eventually, fish),
and they began to complement on how good he could make things out of
paper. Eventually, it led to a competition between he and Barachiel, in
order to see who could make the best paper airplane. Somehow, that got
God’s attention. He outdid them all by making little things that could fly
and swim by themselves, with no prompting and folding required,
effectively ruining everyone’s fun (except, once again, Michael’s, for his
fun had been ruined long ago). But that ruination was replaced with
fascination as God began to create more and more ‘fish’ and ‘birds.’ God
eventually won the entire thing by creating the epitome of Earth life so
far, flying fish and mudskippers. And so God saw that it was indeed, good,
as did everyone else except Michael, and He began to ponder other designs
for other animals...
The Sixth Day
On the sixth
day, the trash God would leave in His wake began to really pile up. There
were wrappers and discarded pieces of paper and plant clippings
everywhere. The trash eventually got on His nerves, and after His Angelic
Construction Crew threatened to join a union, He created creatures to
clean up the Earth for Him. First, came the design stage. His first, and
only, idea, well... Imagine blue whales with itty-bitty legs that were
incredibly disproportionate to their bodies. Next, came the testing
stages. He dropped them on Earth from His spot in the heavens, and...
Well, the earth looked closer than it appeared, and He made the whale
things a few sizes too big… So when He dropped them, they hit hard enough
to mangle the nice checkerboard design He had set up for the Earth’s
landmasses. Though they were slightly bigger than what would be called
Alaska, and though they were slightly less intelligent than rocks the size
of what would be Texas floating around in space (they gotta be dumb if
they try to collide with things much bigger than they are), the
whale-with-legs-cleaning things got their jobs done. But, Lucifer ended up
giving the whale things a little intelligence, (Lucy’d try the same trick
later, but he’d get his grand cumuffins for that one...) and they ended up
renegotiating their contracts. Eventually, even more whining from Gabriel
forced God to take action and make animals that served no purpose at all.
He ended up making so many, that He had to make one more just to master
over them all. But, those creatures alone got themselves into enough
situations involving the animals they were supposed to lord over that it
provided endless hours of amusement. And so God saw that it was indeed,
good, as did everyone else, and at that point He began to wonder what He
was doing...
(anything He can come up with)
God can
bring forth any animal He has the notion to, including the aforementioned
mudskippers, flying fish, human, and incredibly huge
whale-things-with-ridiculously-small-legs (though now God probably has
taken them out of the picture after they tried to renegotiate their
contracts with Him and succeeded). It is expected that as He has more
ideas (or takes them from His Angelic Construction Crew), He will be able
to create more kinds of animals. Well, either He creates them, or Gabriel,
Salathiel, or Jeremiel ask/nag Him incessantly about the matter. Whichever
comes first, most likely the latter, but it most certainly will take time
for Him to come up with some of ‘His own’ good ideas...
The Seventh Day
On the
seventh day, God remembered how lazy He was supposed to be, and compared
it with how much work He had done in the last six days. Needless to say,
He was downright astonished with how much work He had done. And so He
resorted to doing what He had done on the third day, and that was recline,
eat, and watch His Twenty-Six-Inch Television With Dolby Surround Sound.
Sometimes He would switch between watching His Twenty-Six-Inch Television
With Dolby Surround Sound, to watching all the little people scurry around
and get into random wackiness involving the animals they claimed they had
control over. Other times it would be watching His Angelic Construction
Crew hard at work, then either getting rained on or having another prank
pulled on them by Raphael. All and all, while watching this, God began to
feel pretty good about Himself, and all that He had accomplished in six
days. He only saw it appropriate to take the day off, and found it pretty
invigorating. And so God saw that it was indeed, good, and from then on He
would set aside a period of time for resting and enjoying Himself...
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