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Saturday, December 8th, 2001
11:02:03 PM 
Just be friends?
Blah. I feel like a rant tonight. I dunno why. 
Actually, I sorta know why. I appear to have this inherent ability to suddenly be devoid of tact, and it decided to pop up tonight. I can very easily say something to offend someone or ruin someone’s day if I try. I can deduce like that, and I tend to save that skill for people I really don’t like. It’s the times I do it unintentionally that get me confused. 

For instance, I used to have a crush on this girl in my eighth grade class. But, as I be the strange, socially-unlearnt person I was and am, I was unnaturally shy in these situations and had no idea how to present the idea. What made it bad was that someone had jokingly told me that every guy in the class had had a crush on her on time or another. So, one day I had gotten mad at someone, and was pacing around the schoolyard with no better way to vent my anger. She comes up to me and asks me how I’m doing. She was sweet like that. I immediately lighten up, and, surprisingly, my innovation kicks up. I give her my reason, then tell her that I have a crush on some girl, but I don’t know how to tell her. What made this even better was that I was able to keep a straight face. If someone does so much as stare at my eyes, I’m going to turn away and try and crunch an unwarranted smile. She asks me who, I tell her, in these exact words, “You.” She flipped, with one of the biggest smiles I had seen on anyone’s face in a long time. But, Fate intervened, and she told me that she ‘just wanted to be friends’ just a half-hour later. I saw it coming from a... very large distance away, and it really disappointed me that she gave me such a pre-programmed answer. I thought that if she was gonna let me down easy, she was going to use something original. Now, had I been a sadistic fellow, I could’ve easily thought of many, many creative ways to tear up her school and home life, and implemented all of them. But I don’t do things like that. Instead, I ruin her week, and possibly her month and entire school year, and unintentionally at that. 

Remember how I told you about that ‘everyone’s had a crush on her’ bit a little earlier? Well, she invited me over to talk with the entirety of the female persuasion in our class during an outside lunch. The guys and girls had been eating separately, as sexism still mostly reigned in our little private school. So, I listen to all of them talk for a half-hour like the good listener I am. Then I go and open my big mouth about what I meant when I told her I had a crush on her. She found it charming, if I remember right. Then I told her about that little tidbit of gossip I heard. Shame on me for not being able to grasp the concept of ‘sarcastic rumors’ without being informed. She really freaked at this, and it ended with a short chain of events where I alienated myself from the entire eighth grade class. My sense of ‘apologies’ being really screwed up back then, I tried to break my skull as a way of saying sorry, but just ended of with a real big bruise on my forehead. 

Sometimes I wonder if the whole thing hurt me more that it did her. Ah well, I’m a glutton for punishment anyway. She didn’t really deserve all that. 

And guess what? I paid for this mistake in high school, too. I met an old friend of mine from that same school at a dance. She’d gotten pretty after a few years, but I’m still looking for a certain someone. She had a boyfriends anyway. He really shouldn’t of shaved his head, didn’t look good on him... Anyway, they were commenting on how it was amazing that I hadn’t gotten a girlfriend yet. She suggested that I get hooked up by someone, and he says something along the lines of “I know a girl you’d get along great with. She’s (insert brother’s first name here) *******’s sister, think her name’s Sarah.” The girlfriend immediately intervened, telling him that it shouldn’t be Sarah, sounding surprised as hell, and smiling innocently. Ah well. Can’t win ‘em all. Actually, I’ve never won any time anybody’s tried to set me up with someone, considering I’ve only gotten two tries. At least I never met the second person I was set up with face-to-face before she flat-put rejected me. That’s luck for you. 

Back to the present. Now I’m sitting here, listening to Garbage’s ‘The World Is Not Enough’ over and over whilst writing this. How silly. Now I think Dana is gonna be real cautious around me. (Don’t ask, I just reminisced about something real, um, strange at a bad time). 

Sarah, if you’re reading this... How the hell did you get here? I mean, there are really no means that you’ve stumbled onto my little corner of the universe... 
Ah ,wait. Shouldn’t I be thanking you instead of asking you how you got here? 

Dana, Em, anybody else, thanks, even though you never read my stuff anyways. 

If I liked smileys, I would’ve probably put that little sideways grin there. But, as I don’t, I’m not gonna. Instead, just imagine me running away from Dana, who’s wielding a really big mallet that’s synonimous with both American cartoons and Japanese anime. 

Bwa ha ha, Greyson’s in the FPL! Problem is, he’s losing his debut match...

 

Back home with you...
...unless you'd like to read more...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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