BEFORE EVEN OLD SCHOOL EN: BABYLON JONES My very first attempt at a web comic...  with topless undead manga ninja assassins! 

OLD SCHOOL RALPH AND BIMBO: BIMBO GETS A REAL JOB An old, badly color and very badly lettered comic I did for a crappy small press analogy called 'Wax'. 

OLD SCHOOL RALPH AND BIMBO: OF SWORDS AND PENIS ENVY A seven page comic that was originally done for the Savanna College of Art and Design 1999 Comic Analogy...  but was rejected due to content.  Oh yeah, and if you happen to go to SCAD...  Please, go to the comic art club one night and mention me, and the fact that over 3,000 people a day read my comics.  Oh, and then laugh and point at their asses a whole lot.  Nah... I'm not bitter at all.

GOT BOOZE? Not really a comic, but a pin-up I used to test the auto updating system.      

 

IT BEGINS… OR NOT Whoops, in the rush to get the comic started I forgot to make a script. 

THE ART CLASS ADVENTURE Ahh… Getting to draw naked people… the only reason I went to art school. 

FAUSTIAN INFOMERCIALS Every web comic has to have at least one strip about selling your soul for fun and profit. It’s a law or something. 

DAY OF THE TENTACLE The Elder God, Cthulhu, tries escape into the physical plane of existence… only to wind up getting stuck in a toilet. 

GUEST STRIP I Pity the poor crack head Pikachu… 

SUCKING UP TO LOPOW I earned that extra toilet, dammit! Featuring gratuitous sex and violence. 

SARCASM IS OUR FRIEND I Yay! Making jokes about comics more popular than yours is fun! 

A TITY BAR IN CRISIS With loads of creative word balloon placement. 

THE WORLD’S CUTEST EVIL GENIUS Yes, because even a porn star and a moogle can’t support a comic strip by themselves… I had to introduce a new character. 

SARCASM IS OUR FRIEND II *Sigh* No one appreciates my writing… 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT'S NOT PLOT TRANSITION!” Wow… you would almost believe that this comic had a plot the way I linked these two storylines together.

WOULD YOU RENT AN APARTMENT FROM THIS SUPER VILLAIN? House hunting, wanking jokes, and l33t toilets… Oh my! 

POE HAS A SCHOOLGIRL FETISH… AND I BET YOU’RE SURPRISED Yep, more filler for the in-between storylines lull. 

EXPLOITATION NOW: THE HIGH SCHOOL YEARS Drug-clouded teenage flashback fun! 

WAR... WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? *Almost* World War III!  The Presidential Debates!  The military tactics of ‘Sailor Moon’!  And yes, even underage characters making suggestive comments!  Face it, this storyline has it all, true believers™!  (The term, ‘True Believer’ is a joint trademark of Marvel Comics and Stan Lee... please do not sue us.)

“KILLING YOUR FRIENDS FOR FUN AND PROFIT” All the chaos Jordan caused in the last storyline finally catches up to her as someone from her past returns...

 

BIMBO AND HER TWO SISTERS New characters AND mocking major religions...  What more can you ask for in a story?  Also The EN Christmas Special.

THE BAKA FAERIE And don’t think the irony of a half-naked conscience escapes me. 

ALCOHOL, ANGST, AND ADOLESCENCE Wow, it really says something about the content of a comic when the two characters NOT engaging in hot lesbian sex is considered an unexpected twist ending...

RANDOM SEXUAL POSITIONS FROM THE KAMA SUTRA OF THE DAY …with Bimbo. No need for any more explanation. You get what you ask for. Sorta.

CAN THIS BE CALLED WRITER’S BLOCK? Poe runs out of ideas that can be masked as continuity, and draws some filler strips. Where have I seen that bald guy before…?

JORDAN AND BUSH WATCH TV Bush and Jordan watching Oz in their pjs. Ralph trying to watch Internet porn. Need I say more? (Considering how vague that was, I think so, but I need to move on…)

STREET SIDE MUGGINGS AND YOU We watch how trying to rob two girls can go horribly, horribly wrong.

BREAKFAST WITH RALPH Right. Bimbo learns to go to I.H.O.P. if she ever wants breakfast again.

WHAT THE F$#&?! Sorry, I hate shorthand. Poe tries to rectify some of his strip’s… mysteries…

CLOSING (OPENING) THE DOOR Somebody couldn’t choose a title. Jordan has a flashback in the shower, and we don’t know why. (Some assembly required, must be 18 or older to operate, dialogue not included.)

RENT MONTH Bimbo attempts to get money for rent by appearing in another porn… Ain’t ‘Chris the Casting Director’ that bartender from the EN Christmas Special? Hey, it’s a perfectly viable question!

THE FBI COMES A’KNOCKIN’ Bush gets questioned for selling firearms and other goodies to foreigners, Jordan gives herself up, all hell breaks loose, (but that’s not all!) then…

THE WIDENING GYRE AIEE! Flashback! (All those expecting needless sex and violence, turn back now, you’re not wanted here.) This section of EN gets serious, as Jordan tells Bush about her past, the prosthetic arm, and the whole works… In the middle of a gunfight, no less. Sometimes, flashback logic just astounds me…

DEAR GOD, NOT ANOTHER #@$&* GUEST STRIP! Not quite sure how to explain this one… With it comes the end of Act II. But Poe doesn’t feel like giving us Act III yet. Instead, we get…

 

INTERMISSION Miss Jones goes loan-shark hunting, then has a date. Now I know where I recognize that bald guy from. And we get compensated for all the mindless sex and violence missing from the last story arc.

 

RETURN OF THE BAKA FAERIE We get back to basics, those basics involving Ralph getting smashed over the head with a mallet.

THE RETURN OF… DAVE…  And there was much rejoicing. Yay. No more Monty Python references from me. Yay.

SINGLE HOTEL ROOM FOR TWO We subtly discover Jordan’s bi. Great for all you pedophiles, &*%$ for all of those psychology-inclined people who wanted to find Jordan’s inner child and see where she really hurts, and ‘Well, crap, I thought she was a truly serious character now,’ for me. Featuring an open-crotch shot of Bush. In a bathtub, I’ll grant you, but you take what you get.

SAY ‘HI’ TO MOMMY Visiting your friend’s mother has never been so much fun. But it is usually just as revealing.

CONTEMPLATION Can you say ‘pathetic excuse for filler strip’? I knew you could.

NOT QUITE 30% OF A CENTURY YET Bimbo’s thir- (insert loud crashing sound here) twenty-ninth birthday.

JEEZ... AREN’T THESE ‘JORDAN HAS A CRYING FIT’ PLOTS GETTING OLD BY NOW?! Featuring quite possibly the most word balloons ever fit into a single strip... really. 

 

TYING LOOSE ENDS The obscure of-age Jordan clone from the last act meets a disturbing end...

 

THE REASONS NON-FANS USUALLY DON’T ENJOY CONVENTIONS Closet fans rejoice; Jordan likes anime. Horny fans rejoice; Jordan likes cosplay. In-jokes galore. Quasi-self-insertion has probably never been so enjoyable. (...But just how the hell do you find a heavy-populated anime con in the middle of a desert? Just wondering...)

 

GOOD VERSUS EVIL Or the hammer-wielding, repressive, looking-for-a-flimsy-excuse-to-hurt-someone Baka Fairy against the... Nookie Fairy. No description needed here. I never said which was which.

 

AND NOW WE RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM... What’s this? Back on that bus full of Japanese schoolgirls? This one just reeks of imminent tentacle monster shenanigans. Can that be considered a good thing?