I come from a blended family. Five days after my second birthday, my 25 year old father was killed in an auto accident, leaving my mother with three small children, no job and no prospects. For awhile the four of us lived with my grandparents and a couple years later mom moved us to a little rental one block over from my grandparents, it was about this time she met a man, that would eventually become the man I called dad. He moved in with us (slept on the couch.) and two years later they would marry. Dad had a son from a previous marriage, we were just a year and one day apart; and while dating my mom, he impregnated his estranged wife and Christina was born in 1970. Shortly after Chrissy was born, their mother, Jan abandoned both of her children, and left the 6 week old Chrissy in the care of an elderly couple. We went and visited regularly and when Christina was about a year old, mom said enough was enough, and brought Christina to live with the rest of us. Chrissy was a beautiful baby, with blonde hair, exotic cornflower blue eyes and a smile that would touch any heart. I was four years her senior and finally got the chance to play big sister, a job I relished. She would grow up to call me sissy, and we were very close. She was my baby and I was her mentor. Not long after my parents married, I was molested by a neighbor and after it came to light, we moved into our own house in a different neighborhood. The days that followed would be hard and trying, while my brother's, sister's and I were making friends in our new neighborhood, our parents would plunge us into a world of domestic violence, and abuse. It was not unnormal to wake up in the middle of the night to find my parents fighting like cats and dogs and of course us four older kids always got involved. I cannot count how many distrubutor caps dad took off the car to keep mom from packing us up and leaving, how many times the phone was ripped out of the wall, or how many times the police were called. Things were so bad, that one time mom woke us up in the middle of the night and we staked out local bars looking for dad's car, we even knew the names of the three different girlfriends he had in the course of their marriage. And one time mom even rented a Uhaul, sent my brother Terry down the street to dad's brother's house, packed the rest of us up and took off for Colorado. We made it as far as Illinois before the old Delta 88 died on us, then it was on a Greyhound headed for home. In 1974 my youngest sister was born, and now we were a family of eight. Terry and Chrissy's mother, Jan would fade in and out of their live's like a specter and the last time Jan ever saw Christina she told her dad was not her father, she told her some guy named Simon was her father and said the proof was that was where she got her blonde hair.

There were many moments of normalcy in our lives, I cheered for all of girlhood and highschool life, I played softball, and ran track. One of my proud big sister memorie's is teaching Chrissy how to play softball and watch her become a better player than I ever dreamed of being. I loved my little sister more than I could ever describe or explain. She was a stunning beauty, and when full grown she would stand a six foot, with blonde hair, those exquisite eyes, and an inner light that spoke of a tender loving heart, and a giving spirit, there was something unmistakable, yet undescribable about her that people were unable to resist, she had way of touching you and leaving you unable to forget her. There was a lot of promise in this young girl, but, if you were to look deeply into her soul, you would see the conflict and suffering that raged inside of her. If only I would have known what would become of my beautiful Christina!

Let it be said right here, I was not a good example for either of my younger sisters, I was as troubled as any teen could be. I dabbled in drugs, confused sex with love, and completely sold myself short and in some ways I hold myself somewhat responsible for what became of Christina. When she got her first boyfriend, she began messing around with drugs, ran away frequently, (I cannot tell you how many times I went looking for her and drug her tail home!) When she was sixteen, dad signed for her to marry her boyfriend. On her 18th birthday, she would learn she was pregnant for her first child and I would follow her three months later. Michael was born in December of 1988 and my son, in April 1989. When Michael was just a few months old he was hospitalized and in an oxygen tent, Chrissy came home to get clothes and found her husband having sex with her best friend, and that was the beginning of the end. They would remain married for quite a few years and even move to Cleveland where Mike's mother lived (Chrissy's husband.) This is when the drug abuse really began to escalate. Mike and Chris would eventually seperate and Mike would move back to Columbus, leaving Michael and Christina with his mother in Cleveland. One day my mom would get a call from Mikes mom, saying she found Chrissy doing some nasty things with a guy, named Roy, while Michael was in the room next door. This Roy, nearly beat my sister to death on many occassions, me and mom and my oldest sister made so many trips to Cleveland to get her, and each of us opened up our homes and family's to her, but, eventually we would learn our lesson. She always went back for more, and it was in this time we learned she had a crack habit that she denied vehemently. She became pregnant by Roy, and at about 5 or 6 months along, he beat her so badly, he killed the baby. A year or two later, we got a call saying he had beat her so badly that he had ruptured her spleen and if it weren't for her unusual ability to clot so fast, she would have bled to death. Again, me, mom and my oldest sister went to get her, and the saddest thing of all, was the five year old Michael was in the next room when his mother was nearly beaten to death. But in the same token, it was a blessing in disguise, it would be the last time that Michael would ever be in Cleveland. Mike took over, served Chrissy with divorce papers and got custody because she never showed up in court! While staying with my parents, not only did she rob them blind, but, mom got up one night, went downstairs and found Roy hiding in her bathroom!!!! She even tried to rob my brother's bestfriend's wife at my brother's wedding reception!! But these are only the beginning of the sorrows that crack would inflict on this family. It was only a matter of time before mom and dad got the proof they needed that Chrissy stole from them, the ninny took all the family heirlooms and dad's wedding ring to the pawn shop!!! They pressed charges and Christina did time in prison for felony theft. After she got out, she went to live with some guy, ended up pregnant, left him cuz she said he was nuts and went back to the fountain of sanity named Roy!!!! I'll never forget when she gave birth, she wanted to name the baby Joshua, and I told her Joshua was the English equivilant of the Lords name Yeshua, and she said, "Oh, I suppose someone like me shouldn't name my baby that." and I said, "Chrissy, it's all the more reason too." She named him Joshua Michael and gave him Roy's lastname!!! It came as no surprise when my parents recieved the call from her saying Joshua had tested positive for crack cocaine and if they wouldn't take him, he would be placed in the system, we had a family pow wow and my parents took him in. He is 2 1/2 and healthy and happy, and shows many of the symptoms of a "crack baby", for a long time he was delayed, but is making tremendous strides, he is aggressive and temperamental, but like I said, he is healthy and happy. My parents are exhausted of course, they plan to adopt him soon and give him a lastname that truly belongs to him. He looks a lot like Chrissy did, with the blonde hair and the big blue eyes, but, I pray that God will provide him with a brighter future.

Crack cocaine is a plague on society, it took a beautiful troubled girl and robbed her of a future. It is a fact that she has resorted to prostitution to feed her habit, she was seen many a times in the parking lot of bars crawling into the backseats of cars with strange men, she sold her body to numerous men at one time at party's just to score a hit; and was recently arrested in a crack house in Cleveland. She is facing a long time in prison, and I cannot help but think it will probably save her life. (update: she will be out in a couple months, she is Bill Clinton's twin and made of teflon, nothing sticks for long!) My sister is just a shadow of her former self, the looks are long gone, her nose has been broken so many times from beatings that it runs all over her face, her forehead is scarred tremendously from the spiked rings Roy liked to wear when beating her, and the last time I saw her, she was jaundice. I have been known to say, that my sister is dead, I don't know the stranger that lives within her; drugs have turned her into someone that I don't recognize; but truth be known, I miss her and I want her back. When I think of Christina, I envision Satan with her neck firmly in his jaws like a pitbull, just shaking her until she has no strength to fight, I fear she is lost to us forever, but, because of my faith, I have placed her in God's hands, so, I know there is hope, but, in my heart, I fear that one day she will be like her mother....she will just disappear and we will be left to wonder what happened to Chrissy? If there is anyone out there who thinks that drugs and liquor are the perfect escape, I ask you to please re-think it, instead clasp your hands and pray to God above to heal you. There is no respite in drugs, it will only propell you into a world you don't really want to see and turn you into someone those who love you most cannot recognize. My sister was kind, lovely, gentle, giving, beautiful, with a laugh that still makes my heart sing when I think of it, but, now, she is....in prison, with a future no one ever saw for Christina, you deserve better and so does she.

UPDATE DECEMBER 28, 2003
On December 7, 2003 my sister Christina died from an overdose, we have recieved conflicting reports about her death, the person who let us know Chrissy died, claims to have been with her in a crack house when she died, this person, claims when they realized Chris was unresponsive that they all moved her to a new location, her boyfriend told the cops they had an argurment and that she went into her bedroom and swallowed a handful of muscle relaxers and threw the empty bottle at him and said, "I hope you're happy"
By the time the cops were called rigor mortus had set in and become comfie. The cops are going by her boyfriends account She supposedly died at her home, although the place she was found was an empty apartment, that was supposedly her's. All there was, was a TV and and a mattress in the bedroom, no personal effects or signs of residence, if Chris lived there there would be a curling iron, make up, blow dryer, pop cans etc, this was not my sister's residence.
The last look I had of my sister was on a guerney, no make up etc, something in my sick twisted mind made me look under the blanket, and my sister was bruised beyond belief, her fore arms, wrists, and hands, and a big old nasty bruise on the right temple, her death is being ruled a suicide, but, I don't believe it for five seconds, if Chris was suicidal she would have been dead long ago, I believe her dude Ralp was pimping her out, and the place she was found in was completely cleaned, and that would explain why the ass would wait so long to call the cops.
I talked to my sister in October, she was hell bent on getting clean she voluntarily checked hersefl into rehab, talking to her gave me hope for the first time in ages, I do not believe she killed herself. I truly believe she was in over her head and couldn't get out, and I have to say, if you are in a situation close to her's get out now!!!! Feel free to email me at valtanner@prodigy.net Chris never knew how much we loved her, I wish she would have known.