Don't squat with your spurs on.
Don't never interfere with something
that ain't botherin' you none.
If you find yourself in a hole, the
first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome
of a rain dance.
There's more ways to skin a cat than
stickin' his head in a boot jack and jerkin' on his tail.
The easiest way to eat crow is while
it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
If it don't seem like it's worth the
effort, it probably ain't.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in
a flock of sheep.
The biggest trouble maker you'll ever
have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every
morning.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need
a haircut.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person
of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you
can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Generally, you ain't learnin' nothin'
when your mouth is a-jawin'.
Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin'
him do it are two entirely different propositions.
Generally speakin', fancy titles and
nightshirts are a waste of time.
Trust everybody in the game, but always
cut the cards.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take
a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you're gonna go,...go like hell. If
your mind's not made up, don't use your spurs.
Never kick a fresh cowpie on a hot day.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain
lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along
and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a
critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
The best way to have quiche for dinner
is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get
out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche,
continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
There's two theories to arguin' with a
woman. Neither one works.
When you're throwin' your weight around,
be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole
lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
Always take a good look at what you're
about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to
know what it was.
The quickest way to double your money is
to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shutup. 
People who are tough never have to tell
you that they are. It’s the same with people who are honest.
A smart ass just doesn't fit in a saddle
