Religion
This is a... complicated topic for me. I was born and raised a Christian; first Lutheran, then United Methodist. When I left for college, I was still a Christian, but considered myself non-denominational. I tried many different churches at school, but just wasn't feeling anything from them. At this point I was what you might call a "Jesus freak": all of my t-shirts had Christian messages, I wore 2 crosses around my neck, I had posters in my room, my Bible on my desk, a 9-inch wooden cross next to it... people even called me "Jesus Mark" behind my back.
Sometime during my freshman year, things began to change. I started wondering if I was believing and acting the right way. I stopped trying different churches, stopped reading my Bible, and changed my wardrobe. People started calling me "Fallen Mark", but not just behind my back. It wasn't as bad as that might imply... I certainly wasn't worshipping Satan or anything... but I just didn't know what I thought or felt about anything of a religious nature.
In time, I came to realize that my whole "Jesus freak" image in high school and early college had been because of an identity crisis; I just needed something to define who I was, and over-zealous Christianity was what it happened to be. I had been living a lie. I felt nowhere near as strongly about my faith as people must have thought I did.
So what's happened to me in the years since then? It took a while, but I've reasoned things out, and come to a place that I am happy with. I now believe that all religions, unless specifically worshipping an evil being or force, are inherently good, and worship the same supreme being, regardless of what they call it, or how many aspects they believe it has, or even if they worship it directly or indirectly (i.e. through nature). For my purposes, I call this supreme being God, and refer to it as "him". I still pray to God, and believe strongly that he listens and cares about me, and that he takes an active role in my life because of my faith in him. But I find it hard to subscribe to any one religion now. I don't like to get caught up in the doctrines and dogmas of organized religion. My religious standpoint is tolerance of other religions, and the personal relationship that one has with God. I feel that that is what matters most - how you know God in your heart.
Perhaps someday, if I want the influence of an open-minded church for my children to grow up in, before they are old enough to make choices of their own, I will attend once more. But for now, I have God in my heart, and that's all I need.
