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I FELL DOWN....A STORY OF LUPUS

I FELL DOWN.....JESUS PICKED ME UP

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A STORY OF LUPUS

NO ONE KNOWS THE EXACT TIME OR DAY THAT THEY WILL FALL.WE ALL FALL DOWN AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A "CHRISTIAN" WITH A LOT OF "FAITH".LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT THIS "FAITH" WAS TO BE TESTED.TESTED IN WAYS I COULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF.

MY LIFE WAS GOOD....I HAD A BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED DAUGHTER.A FAMILY THAT WAS CLOSE AND CARING.THE LOVE OF MY LIFE"JOE".EVERYTHING SEEMED TO BE WONDERFUL. >BR.

I HAD A JOB THAT I TRUELY LOVED.IT TOOK ME SEVERAL YEARS TO GET MY DEGREE IN NURSING,BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.

I WAS A SUPERVISOR,WITH STAFF THAT RESPECTED ME. PATIENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES WERE LIKE AN EXTENDED FAMILY.ALL IN ALL, EVERYTHING OUTWARDLY APPEARED "GOOD","WONDERFUL".

IN 1989, I BEGAN TO HAVE "EPISODES" THERE WASN'T ANYTHING PARTICULAR I COULD PUT MY FINGER ON. I STARTED FAINTING AT WORK....I ENDED UP IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM ON SEVERAL OCCASSIONS.EACH TIME THE DOCTORS DIDN'T HAVE AN ANSWER.

OTHER THINGS WERE GOING ON...I HAD SWELLING OF MY FINGERS AND ANKLES.I ACHED ALL OVER.I JUST FELT SICK!!!!.I DIDN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT.I FELT WEAK DURING THE DAY AND COULDN'T FUNCTION ON THE JOB.

FINALLY,I HAD TO QUIT MY JOB.THIS WAS THE MOST HEART BREAKING THING FOR ME.
I NOTICED I WAS LOSING MY HAIR,I HAD ONE UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION AFTER ANOTHER.I KNEW I WAS GETTING WORSE.I WAS SCARED...... I WENT TO SEVERAL DOCTORS AND NO ONE KNEW WHAT WAS CAUSING ALL THESE PROBLEMS.

MANY, MANY, TESTS AND SO MANY DOCTORS...STILL NO DIAGNOSES.BY THEN I WAS SWOLLEN WITH FLUID,MY EYES LOOKED LIKE LITTLE SLITS IN MY SWOLLEN FACE. MY FEET WERE SO SWOLLEN THAT I COULDN'T GET ON ANY SHOES. MY SKIN COLOR WAS A "GREYISH" TONE.I LOOKED LIKE DEATH.

I THOUGHT I WAS DYING...I HAD NEVER KNOWN THIS KIND OF FEAR.MY NURSING EXPERIENCE TOLD ME THAT SOMETHING VERY SERIOUS WAS WRONG.THE QUESTION WAS "WHAT" NO ONE SEEMED TO KNOW.

FINALLY ,I WENT TO A YOUNG AGRESSIVE DOCTOR.HE IMMEDIATELY STARTED ASKING ME QUESTIONS,IT APPEARED FINALLY SOMEONE KNEW WHAT I WAS FEELING.HE SENT ME TO A SPECIALIST FOR MORE TESTS.BY THEN, I WAS IN BAD SHAPE.

I WAS ADMITTED INTO THE HOSPITAL...I HAD AT LEAST EIGHT DOCTORS WORKING ON ME.AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE DAYS THE DIAGNOSES WAS IN "LUPUS"

AS A NURSE I KNEW WHAT IT WAS,NOW I HAD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANT FOR ME..MY KIDNEYS HAD GOTTEN SO BAD THE DOCTORS WANTED TO TAKE THE WORST ONE.

IT WAS THEIR CONSENSES THAT I WAS DYING.IN FACT,IT WAS CHRISTMAS TIME AND I REMEMBER THE DOCTOR COMING INTO MY ROOM AND SAYING"GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER"

THIS WAS EARTH SHATTERING,MY MIND COULD NOT GRASP WHAT HE WAS TELLING ME.I PANICKED.
I REMEMBER CRYING SO HARD THAT I THOUGHT MY HEAD WOULD BURST.I WAS TERRIFIED.MY THAUGHTS WERE ABOUT LEAVING MY DAUGHTER.

I WOULDN'T SEE HER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL, I WOULDN'T SEE HER GET MARRIED.MY BEAUTIFUL BABY, I WAS GOING TO LOSE HER.
I THINK THAT WAS THE INSTANT THAT "JESUS" SPOKE TO ME..

I FELT HIS PRESENCE..I KNEW THAT HE WAS GOING TO HOLD ONTO ME AND HELP ME..

I KNEW THE ROAD WAS GOING TO BE ROUGH. BAD TIMES I WAS GOING TO HAVE.SOMEHOW,I JUST KNEW, IT WAS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

I STAYED IN THE HOSPITAL.THE DOCTORS HAD TO TRY SEVERAL DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS,HIGH DOSES TO TRY AND STABILIZE ME.ALL OF MY BODY SYSTEMS WERE FAILING. A CALMNESS CAME OVER ME AND I PRAYED FOR STRENGHT. I ASKED JESUS TO "HELP"

SLOWLY,SLOWLY,SLOWLY THE MEDICATIONS BEGAIN TO WORK. AND I WENT HOME WITH LOTS OF MEDICATION. I WASN'T REALLY PREPARED FOR LOSING MY INDEPENDANCE, TO BECOME DEPENDENT.I NOW HAD THE ROLE OF PATIENT.

I HAD TO GIVE UP MY APARTMENT AND MOVE IN WITH MY PARENTS.IT WAS A "TEAM" EFFORT TO CARE FOR ME..MY LIFE HAD CHANGED.IN THE FOLLOWING MONTHS I EXPERIENCED EVERY CONCEIVABLE PROBLEM THAT COULD BE HAD WITH LUPUS.NUMEROUS TRIPS TO THE HOSPITAL.
I WAS BEDRIDDEN AND COULDN'T WALK.THE ACTIVTIES OF DAILY LIVING I COULD NOT DO FOR MYSELF.

I HAD BOTH OF MY HIPS REPLACED,LOST MY HAIR, GAINED OVER 75LBS. FROM THE STEROIDS. I HAVE ARTHRITIS IN ALL MY JOINTS,FACIAL PALSY,TIA'S,ASTHMA,OPTHALMIC MIGRAINS,ULCERS AND CHEST PAIN.WITH DAYS OF WEAKNESS. PERIODS OF DIZZINESS WHICH MAKES DRIVING A THING OF THE PAST.I LOSE MY VISION AT TIMES...

THROUGH ALL OF THIS I RECEIVED A MESSAGE. "GOD WAS NOT THROUGH WITH ME" I NOW KNOW WHY I HAD BECOME A NURSE.EVENTHO I'AM NOT ABLE TO WORK,I DO HAVE KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE TO SHARE WITH OTHERS.

MY "FAITH" HAS SUSTAINED ME."GOD" HAS BLESSED ME IN WAYS I CAN'T BEGAIN TO EXPAIN.I KNOW THAT EVEN WITH THE PAIN, I'AM ALIVE,EVEN WITH THE WEAKNESS,I'AM ALIVE.BY THE GRACE OF GOD.HE HAS GIVEN ME THE MOST WONDERFUL "GIFT" OF ALL. "LIFE" AND I CHERISH EACH DAY.

I SEE GOD'S MIRACLES EVERY DAY.THERE IS EVIDENCE OF IT. EACH TIME I WAKE UP,OR LOOK UP AT THE BEAUTIFUL SKY. I KNOW THAT GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR ME. "JESUS LIFTED ME UP"

MY DAUGHTER IS GROWN WITH A DAUGHTER OF HER OWN. IN FACT,I'AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMOTHER AGAIN.MY FAMILY IS STRONGER THAN EVER.JOE,THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS STILL PUTTING UP WITH ME(((((LOL)))))) I'AM SURROUNDED BY LOVE. "GOD'S BLESSING"

I HAVE MET MANY PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET,WE SHARE A COMMON BOND.I USE THIS TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ABOUT LUPUS. I TELL MY STORY TO DEMONSTATE"HOPE" TO OTHERS. I ENCOURAGE "PRAYER",AND POINT OUT DAILY THAT WE ARE GIVEN "MIRACLES" IF ONLY WE LISTEN AND WATCH.GOD SHOWS US HIS WONDER AND POWER DAILY.

PLEASE VISIT THE LINKS BELOW.E-MAIL ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE PRAYER LIST OR JUST WANT TO CHAT.
REMEBER:GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE,AND ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH HIM.

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