"I really kind of live in fear of any West Wing websites."
"I was the last one cast. I have a suspicion Rip Torn wasn't available."
- Martin Sheen (The Pres.)
"There's that process of writing it -- then you come out of your room into the sunlight, and you now have
to complete the circuit and make the connection finally with the audience."
- Aaron Sorkin
"Will the two of you shut up? Or the three of you. However many of you are talking, could half of you stop?"
"People who lose the ability to pinch - I don't know from where they summon the will to go on."
"Oh, God! I hate plutonium!"
CJ: “Graham Samuel is dead.”
Sam: “Is he really dead this time?”
Sam: “Cause the last time you told me he was dead, he wasn’t.”
CJ: “He’s dead this time.”
Sam: “Did someone poke him a little to see . . .”
Leo: "Think of the whales."
President: "Do they vote?"
Leo: "You have a very intersting converstational style."
Ainsley: "It's a nervous condition."
Leo: "Oh, I used have a nervous condition."
Ainsley: "And how did your's manifest itself?"
Leo: "I used to drink too much."
Ainsley: "I get sick when I drink too much."
Leo: "I get drunk when I drink too much."
CJ: "They sent me two turkeys. The most photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life
at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten."
President Bartlet: "If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch."
Josh: "You know, can I say this? Why don't we just give the 60 billion dollars to North Korea in exchange
for them not bombing us?"
President Bartlet: "You know, it's almost hard to believe that you're not on the National Security Council."
Josh: "I know. I feel like they're missing an important voice."
Josh: "Okay- here's what I'm gonna do."
Donna: "Hide in your office?"
Josh: "No, I'm not gonna hide in my office. I'm gonna go into my office and devise a strategy. That is what I do. I'm a professional. I'm not a little boy."
Donna: "That's the spirit."
Josh: "But if she calls, I'm at the dentist. I'll be back in an hour."
"So you lied to me just then."
v"I'm a politician, Ainsley, of course I lied to you just then."
-Ainsley and Leo
CJ: "Leo, your food's getting cold. Want me to bring it over?"
Mandy: "Seriously, I have never had dumplings quite this good."
Josh: "Isn't my food getting cold too?"
CJ: "We ate your food."
"Leo, wouldn't this time be better spent plotting a war against a country that can't possibly defend
itself against us?"
"We can do that later, Toby. Right now I'm talking about President Andrew Jackson."
-Toby and Leo
"By day, they churn butter and worship according to their own beliefs, and by night they solve crimes."
"I want to be very clear. I could give a damn."
"Depending on how you look at it, it started either with a cabinet secretary losing her temper, a
committee chairman baiting her during a hearing, the President answering a question he shouldn’t have, a
dentist appointment, or me being stupid."
"Why would I lie to a journalist, of all people?"
Leo: "True or False: If I were to stand on high ground in Key West with a good pair of binoculars, I'd be as
informed as I am right now."
Josh: "That's true."
Leo: "The intelligence budget's money-well-spent, isn't it?"
"He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham. Your president's a geek."
Toby: "You think the United States is under attack from 1200 Cubans in rowboats?"
Sam: "I'm not saying I don't like our chances."
Toby: "It's mind-boggling to me that we ever won an election."
"I agree with Josh and I agree with Sam and I agree with CJ, and you know how that makes me crazy."
CJ: "I tried to pick up a guy at the gym this morning."
Leo: "What happened?"
CJ: "You called me and I fell off the treadmill."
CJ: "You said I should talk to you."
Leo: "If you were feeling burnt out, CJ, not if you were horny."
CJ: "I'm not horny, Leo. Well, I'm a little bit horny, but that's not the point."
(pager beeps) "Oh God, please let this be a national emergency."
CJ: "They want you to say something arrogant."
Josh: "Well I don't need baiting for that."
"'I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me.' Boy, those were the days, huh?"
Josh: "Okay, can I just say that, as it turned out, I was the calmest person in the room?"
Toby: "She was calling us 'New York Jews', Josh."
Josh: "Yes, but being from Connecticut, I didn't mind so much."
Josh: "Victory is mine! Victory is mine! Great day in the morning people. Victory is mine!"
Donna: "Good morning, Josh."
Josh: "I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land."
Donna: "It's gonna be an unbearable day."
Toby: "Mrs. Landingham, does the President have free time this morning?"
Mrs. Landingham: "Oh, the President has nothing but free time, Toby. Right now he's in the residence eating Cheerios and enjoying 'Regis and Kathie Lee'. Should I get him for you?"
Toby: "Sarcasm's a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham."
Mrs. Landingham: "And what age would that be, Toby?"
Toby: "Late twenties?"
Mrs. Landingham: "'Atta boy."
Toby: Can I have a cookie?
Mrs. Landingham: No.
"I've got an intelligence briefing, a security briefing, and a 90-minute budget meeting all scheduled for the same 45 minutes. You sure this is a good time to talk about my sense of humor?"
President: "CJ, on your tombstone it's going to read 'Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc'."
CJ: "Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone."
President: "Your wife's beautiful too. How'd you get her to marry you? You trick her or something?"
President: "You're talking to a former Governor. I was Commander-in-Chief of the New Hampshire National Guard."
Tolliver: "You guys got into a lot of tough scrapes, did you?"
President: "Didn't have to. We'd just stand on the border and stare you down. Then we'd all go for pancakes."
President: "I want the Secret Service in here right away."
Tolliver: "In the event of a military coup, Sir, what makes you think the Secret Service is gonna be on your side?"
President: "Now that's a thought that's gonna fester."
"This administration doesn't even need an opposition party, do you know that? We do fine by ourselves."
"Well, let me consult Article Two of the Constitution, cause I'm not a 100% sure where this office gets the
authority to direct me to the men's room!"
-Vice President Hoynes
Laurie: "Are you aware that I make more money than you do?"
Sam: "You and any kid with a decent paper route."
"Toby's right. What's the good of being in power if you're not gonna haul your enemies in for questioning?"
"Yeah Toby, because what we really need to do is arrest people for being mean to the President."
"There's a delegation of cardiologists having their pictures taken in the Blue Room. You wouldn't think
you could find a group of people more arrogant than the fifteen of us, but there they are, right upstairs in the Blue Room."
Sam: "Have you ever tried to overthrow the government?"
Charlie: "No, Sir.'
Sam: "What the hell's been stopping you?"
Sam: "He's asking if you're gay, Charlie. And I wouldn't answer the damn question."
Josh: "All right. That's it Sam. Let's take a walk."
Sam: "You know what? Feel free to sue our asses off. I'll represent you."
"Presidents don't make new friends. That's why they gotta keep their old ones."
"Sheila, if you need me for anything . . . I'm standing here with absolutely nothing to do."
Cathy: "Why isn't anyone available to speak on the phone?"
CJ: "I don't know. They're planning my surprise party?'
Reporter: "Why all the activity?"
CJ: "Menudo's in the building. I gotta go."
CJ: "There'll obviously be a briefing if the President has engaged the use of military force."
Danny: "Thanks. Since I've only been a White House reporter for seven years, I appreciate you clearing that up."
"Everyone's running around like the future of the world depends on it- which I suppose it does- everyone
running around. Working. Me- I've got nothing to do."
Josh: "I don't understand it. Why can't you tell me when there's someone in my office?"
Donna: "Well, the first time I didn't know; the second time I didn't care that much."
"We try and avoid having the President make aesthetic decisions."
President: "I looked to the side at one point, you know. And I half expected to see you coming at me with a salad fork."
Toby: "Well, but for the secret service agents restraining me, Sir."
President: "You know what, Toby?"
President: "You're what my mother calls a pain in the ass."
Toby: "Well, that's what my mother calls it too, Sir."
Mandy: "CJ, feed them human interest- not just, "Look, we're disclosing assets." People will really get a
kick out of reading about how much money you guys have. Especially when they find out you don't have any."
Toby: "It's a pretty humiliating way of taking one for the team, isn't it?"
Mandy: "They're going to love you for being broke, Toby."
Toby: "I've found that. I've found that women especially can't get enough of my 1993 Dodge Dart."
Leo: "Toby, Sam- beautiful work.'
Sam: "Thank you."
Toby: "Two and a half paragraphs. (points at himself)37 pages."
Leo: "Josh, do women like violinists?"
Josh: "You thinking about taking lessons?"
Leo: "No, I mean to listen to next to the table."
Josh: "Gets a little weird after a minute, doesn't it?"
Leo: "I forgot our anniversary."
Josh: "In that case I'd shift into gear and bring on the Julliard String Quartet."
Josh: "You're going to lose in the primary."
Katzenmoyer: "There's no Democrat running against me."
Josh: "Sure there is."
Josh: "Whomever we pick."
"You know, I really thought a nice by-product of not going out with you anymore would be that you wouldn't yell at me anymore."
Leo: "Which did you take, Sir- the Vicadin or the Percocet?"
President: "I wasn't supposed to take 'em both?"
CJ: "Okay. Mr. President, we're going to have someone take you back to bed."
President: (strung out on medication) "No, no, no, no. Please, Leo. I know my body. I mean, you know, my muscles are not, you know, but my mind is sharp. I can focus. I'm focused. You all know that about me. Here's what I think we ought to do . . . (pauses) Was I just saying something?"
Sam: "But to avoid even the appearance of impropriety, Toby has agreed to reduce his salary for one year to one dollar. And immediately cash out his stock issue thereby relieving the taxpayer of the burden."
"Welcome to the NFL."
-Vice President Hoynes