West Wing

"I wonder, absently, if we're all heading for nervous breakdowns. I hope we can at least manage to stagger them."
-CJ (Ryo Sen's "Impressions")

"Have you been listening to the President again?"
-"Castle in the Clouds" by Ryo Sen

"Maybe that's why he doesn't know anything about being a lawyer. Maybe he spent all his time in law school perfecting his kissing technique."
-Donna (Jo March and/or Ryo Sen. Sorry- I can't remember which.)

"Will, who had heard a story about Josh, a bachelor party, and a pair of bright yellow waders, instinctively checked to see if Josh was holding a drink."
-'Solecism' by Ryo Sen and Margarite

"'My point,' he continued after a while, 'is that, considering the attendees to this Ball include the President, the First Lady, more than half of the top Administration officials, and a sizeable helping of literati, perhaps the disco ball was a blown call.'"
-'Solecism' by Ryo Sen and Margarite

"I am sorry I'm a jerk. I will try not to be a jerk, but I am rather set in my ways at this point of my life."
-Josh "Forget It" by Ryo Sen

"Obviously, you are a complete and total masochist."
-Donna "Donna Moss' Advice to the Lovelorn" by Jo March

"[He] referred to it as the yes-my-boyfriend-was-older expression."
-"Still Standing" by Allison

"As far as I'm concerned, there are two men -- and two men only -- who will never betray you. Their names are Ben and Jerry. Spend quality time with them. They are the best friends you will find in your time of sorrow."
- Donna in "Donna Moss's Advice to the Lovelorn" by Jo March

"Holy shit. My mother is on Larry King Live. CJ is going to kick my ass."
- Josh in "Word Play"

Josh: "And apparently the stuff about the cats isn't playing well."
Donna: "Yeah, well, you're on your own there."
Josh: "Did I really say they were possessed?"
Donna: "Not precisely. Your exact words were 'spawn of Satan.' Also, you accused them of voting Republican."
-"Word Play"

“See, it’s these times – the ones when we don’t know the answers while we’re giving them to people – that I’m glad I’m not you.”
-Sary

"She's sporting a six-pack of Fresca and the world's largest chocolate muffin; he's wearing a face that indicates indigestion-by-association."
-Donna (pixelvixen)

Charlie: “Mr. President! You can't come in here, you're the main character!”
POTUS: “We don't have a main character, this is an ensemble piece.”
Leo: “Yeah, but some of us are more ensemble than others.”
-“As the White House Turns” by Nomad

Sam: “It's not very convincingly plotted, this, is it?”
Donna: “It's a clever parody of Aaron Sorkin's tendency to leave plot points hanging and under-explain things.”
Sam: “That or it's just not very well thought out.”
-“As the White House Turns” by Nomad

“We open on a scene completely unrelated to the cliffhanger we ended on. 'Cause this is the West Wing, and we like you to imagine your own reaction shots. Maybe we'll give you it in a flashback later, if we feel like it.”
-“As the White House Turns” by Nomad

Josh: “Okay, is this one of those post-modern commentary things, or a sign of your undying snarky love for me?”
Donna: “Oh, we're assuming I'm over that until further notice.”
Josh: “Why?”
Donna: “'Cuz you've lost all trace of the sweetness you once had and I'm showing signs of developing a backbone.”
Josh: “Well, who will you love if you don't love me?”
Donna: “People have been observing that I would go very well with Sam, as it happens.”
Josh: “Sam? And you? They have like, no subtextual support for that whatsoever.”
Donna: “Yeah, but they've observed that we're the only two left that anybody can still stand at the moment. Plus, can you imagine what our kids would look like?”
Josh: “You ought to worry about that. You know, on Buffy, being likeable adds up to you either leaving for ill-explained reasons and never being mentioned again, or getting shot and killed as part of an unimaginative plot device to add drama to the season finale.”
Donna: “Boy, we're lucky stuff like that never happens around here.”
-“As the White House Turns” by Nomad

Dark Angel

"At this point Alec was so desperate, he was actually considering reading one of "Father's" books. Or using them to build a fort. And it was sad just how interesting the latter prospect sounded right now."
-Alec, Friction by Baloo

"Deciphering Logan's chicken scratch is like trying to find that four-eyed dork with the stupid sweater in those pictures."
"Waldo."
"Huh?" he replied, brow furrowing as he glanced up at her.
"You're talking about 'Where's Waldo,'" Max answered, eyes still trained on the road.
"Yeah, sure, I guess. We're not on a first-name basis or anything."
-Alec and Max, Friction by Baloo

"Maybe it's in Arabic or something."
He heard a sigh from the front of the bike. "Logan doesn't know Arabic."
"Well, then someone should tell him to stop writing in it."
-Alec and Max, Friction by Baloo

"He heard gunshots, felt bullets buzzing past his shoulders like kamikaze bumblebees on steroids."
-Dark Angel fanfic

"In a way, it was a relief to know that his subconscious could still produce something other than the 'Alec goes on a homicidal streak and starts killing all his friends' dream."
-Dark Angel fanfic

Smallville

"For the moment he was messenger boy, delivering coffee and scones to a reportedly depressed young lady. Sort of a bald-millionaire candy gram."
-Lex, "Would You Like Some Java With Your Snark?" by Kathe

"'I loved the flowers. Lana thinks my secret admirer is the new guy at school, Tim something.' She shook her head. 'She said that she's seen him looking at me.' Lex frowned and made a mental note to take care of that."
-Chloe and Lex "Armour Noire"

"And to think, I was just worried about my job when they told us Luthor Jr. was coming to the plant."
-Chloe's dad about Lex's relationship with Chloe, "Brave New World"

"I just couldn't resist this one, especially since a friend of mine once made the comment that 'Smallville' is 'kind of like a classical Greek tragedy, only with less eye-stabbing and more football coaches who can toss fire from their hands.'"
-'Persephone' by Moonmaid

Andromeda

"So there it was, a Big-Time Hero Moment. I'm alone, time and oxygen running out, there are hijackers in the main compartment, and the Woman I Love (okay, the Woman I'm Mildly Infatuated With) is in danger. The only way to help her is to take the access ladder, putting myself in mortal danger. It's the choices we make during these moments that separate the grownups from the children.
"Unfortunately, there weren't any grownups on the Maru's bridge at that moment, so *I* had to go."
-Harper (as written by John Burke in 'An Old Fashioned Tail')

"For once, I had no tricks prepared. Not even close. Well, you can imagine my embarrassment. Epitaph for Seamus Zelazny Harper: 'He was just one miracle short of godhood.'"
-Harper (John Burke's 'An Old Fashioned Tail')

"I don't usually believe in omens and stuff, but there's only so many times you can almost get killed in the middle of the same sentence before you catch a hint."
-Harper (John Burke's 'An Old Fashioned Tail')

Dylan: "Any ideas on how to get to Beka and Rev Bem?"
Tyr (deadpan): "Can’t we just leave them here?"
Dylan: "In the interests of cooperation, I’m going to assume you’ve just developed a sense of humor."
-John Burke's 'Butterfly Wings'

X-Men

"Logan, we can't loose anyone else. Jean filled most of the postions in this school, and if Scott's out of action what will we do?"
Throw a kegger?"
-Ororo and Logan, 'Untouchable' by Bry

"He passed the train station. In accordance to the third law of lost tourists-which dictates that there is always one landmark you keep coming back to, no matter how often you backtrack to make different turns-it was the fourth time he had done so. (The first two laws probably had something to do with cameras, or exchange rates.)"
-Pyro in 'Sunshadow' by Lassiter

Harry Potter

"Within minutes, both Hermione and Ron were restored to their school-robed selves, with no interference excepting one loud exclamation from Professor McGonagall, outside - 'What do you mean, they're putting clothes on?'"
-'Not as a Last Resort' by Arabella

"Okay, fine. I'll tell Hermione I love her and you can beat the Dark Lord."
-Harry "Kiss the Girl" by Fleur

"I think that might have been a run on sentence. No matter, it's probably due to an awful disease that can only be cured by reviews.
Don't you hate it when that happens?"
-"Kiss the Girl" by Fleur

"Hi," said Ron.
"Hi," replied Hermione.
Harry looked from one to the other, then coughed. "Yeah, so I think I'm sick. I'm going to go lie down. You two have fun."
-"Kiss the Girl" by Fleur

"As Hermione composedly listed the factors, Harry felt Ron stir beside him. Harry obligingly leaned back in his seat so Ron could stare at Hermione while her attention was diverted. And to think that I was worried that I'd be left out if Ron and Hermione were interested in each other."
-'Harry Potter and the Fifth Year from Hell' by Angua

"As always, I should like to remind you all that the Forbidden Forest has, in the past year, devoured eight-and-a-half of our graduating students, as well as several underclassmen, and is strictly off-limits. Hence the name Forbidden Forest. Believe me, if it were completely safe we would have long ago changed the name to the Come-And-Go-As-You-Damned-Well-Please Forest."
-Dumbledore, 'Harry Potter and the Song of Night' by QuizzicalSphinx

"George..." he started, before trailing off.
"Yes, that's my name, don't wear it out, please, or I'll have to use Fred's and it's confusing enough already."
-Ron and George (I've completely forgotten which story this and the next two quotes come from, but I swear I'll find it soon and put up a proper link. If any one out there knows, feel free to email me with it)

"Harry!"
"Yes?"
"Come in, please."
"Ron, but..."
"I need help!"
"Er... Ron, what exactly do you mean by 'help'?"
-Ron and Harry in a bathroom

The bathroom's door burst open immediately and in came Harry.
"Close the door," Ron whispered, waving a hand at him.
Harry stared in amazement. "Ron, Fred and George are out there, do you really want me to close the door, with both of us inside?"
-Ron and Harry still in a bathroom

Sirius- "Thrill a minute, this book, isn't it?"
Remus- "You should never judge a book by its cover."
Sirius- "You're right. The cover made it look interesting"
-God help me, I lost the title and link to this fic to. I'll be sure to put up both once I find them. The next two quotes are from the same, hilarious story in which the Marauders find a copy of 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.'

Sirius- *tuts* "Kids of today..."
Remus- "We're kids of today."
Sirius- "Exactly. Just think what we're like."

"Mr Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes-"
Remus- "This coming from a Muggle."
Sirius- "This coming from a guy who's completely naked every full moon."
Peter- "This coming from a guy who's descended from Death Eaters."
Remus- "This coming from Peter..."

"Typical Gryffindor plan: 'well, we're sure as hell not going to get killed staying back here. I know, let's get closer!'"
-Draco Malfoy in 'Harry Potter and the Siren's Song'

"Rest assured, if any of you have offspring before you leave school, you shall not pass Potions."
-Snape, "Of Contraceptives and Snogging" by Jack Ichijouji

"In case you hadn't figured it out, Ron is addressing all this to Ginny. You'll find out why later. All of the bold italicised print is Ginny talking. Except this. And the disclaimer. That's me talking."
-"Of Contraceptives and Snogging" by Jack Ichijouji

"...Harry asked, probably trying to lighten the mood. With schoolwork. That's how bad it was."
-"Of Contraceptives and Snogging" by Jack Ichijouji

"Hey! Cupboard Boy! I'm talking canon here."
-"Chainsmoking Harry " by B Bennett

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