Humor One

Diagnostic criteria for NPD: Normal Person Disorder

1. A chronic feeling of normalness.
2. A tendency to bore others easily.
3. A nagging sense of constantly meeting one's goal.
4. Lack of difficulty getting organized.
5. Inability to be humorous.
6. Knowing how to count without forgetting what number you are up to.
7. An inability to be creative and intuitive, no seat of pants to fly by.
8. Highly stimulated by lectures, speeches, dead cockroaches and other normals.
9. An unbroken remote control.
10. A To-Do list which gets done.
11. A chronic interest in each or any of the following for more than a week:
a:) Job
b:) Relationship
c:) Schedule
d:) Patience
e:) Passing Grades
f:) Sex
g:) Normals
12. A methodical nature.

HOW TO TELL YOU'RE AN E-MAIL JUNKIE

1. You wake up at 3 am to go the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
2. You name your children Eudora, Aol and Dotcom.
3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
4. You spend half of the plane ride with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
6. You laugh at people with 14.4-baud modems.
7. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
8. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
9. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
10. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
11. You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again.
12. You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.
13. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
14. You tell the cab driver you live at: http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html
15. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
16. After reading this message, you immediately E-mail it to a friend.