Funny Random Quotes

Newer quotes will be towards the bottom!

Jess: I'm gonna check my watch in an hour to see if it's an hour yet.

Kerry: (looking at a Star Wars doll) Is that Jesus?
Me: No, it's Qui Gon Jin!

Me: It's the Beatles!
Sarah: No, it's the Supremes, you idiot!

Me: It's the Beatles!
Sarah: OMG, it's Jimi Hendrix, you freak!

April: There are people looking in at me through the window.
Me: Don't worry, I live in the safest town in my neighborhood!

Sarah: (watching a tv show about Africa) What is that, dinosaurs?
Me: No, they're hyenas!

Sarah: She takes everything! Well, she can't have the church!

Sar: Guess who's gonna be on tv tonite?
April: John Lennon?
Sar: He's dead!

Brit: (after being stranded at Kerry's house during a flood) I'm homeless!

April: The government shut down, I don't know, I was two!

Kat: Would you rather be fifteen, or fifteen and nine months?
Kerry: But I'm sixteen!

Me: It's the statue of Ben.
Kerry: He's your friend?

Jess: Are you trying to steal my look?

Me and Sarah: The group has problems.
Katrina: Oh, Christ!

Sarah: He's like a little kid you have to clean up after he plays in the mud.

Jay: Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo catacumbo sushi to me!

Diana: Are you seriously serious?

Diana: Do they have electricity in Africa?

Me: Look how much grease came off these potato chips!
Kate: Of course, they're baked in fat!
Me: Fried.
Kate: Fried, baked, grilled, boiled, sauteéd, whatever, I don't care.
Me: Marinated?
Kate: That too.

April: Isn't Spork from Star Wars?
Me: It's Spock, and that's Star Trek.
My mom: Spork? Oh, God!

April: Your family has intelligent conversations about the ozone layer and the polar icecaps. My family is a sped family!

Kate: Sit still!
Me: I gotta move around! My butt feels...buttley.

Me: I can't believe he got the same coat as me, he sooo bit off of me!
Diana: He bit you? Whoa, what was goin on there?

Carm: (finding something next to the car) Is this a piece of our car?
Me and Kate: I dunno.
Carm: Oh well, let's take it just incase.

Jess: They call it water ice because it's made of water and ice. Hey, isn't that kind of redundant?

Sarah: It's just my dignity! My house and home! My church!

Me: Paul is ugly, like a trashcan.

Me: Gag me with Mulder's finger!
Sarah: OMG, I just had a nasty thought! Cleanse with soap!

Me: Affected? More like defected. Wait, that isn't a word.

Me: Well, if Cinderella's Castle is in Disney World, and Sleeping Beauty's Castle is in Disneyland, what about Tokyo Disney?
My dad: Yoko Ono's Castle.

Me: Let's go to England!
Jess: Yes! We can walk there! (we live in the USA)

Me: We have ESP!
Sar: What's that? That's a video setting!

Me: I know the ice cream parlour is either on the right or left side of the street.
My dad: Well, that reassures me of your intellectual capabilities.

My dad: It's not Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs, it's Coal Black and the 7 Speds.
Me: Creepy, Crappy, Trashful, Dumpy, Sleazy, Mopey, and Dork!

Me: It's Tinklebell! I mean Tinkerbell!

My dad: This isn't Hollywood, it's Hollyweird.
Me: It's not weird!
A guy dressed up as Superman: I am Superman!
Me: Uh huh...

Me: I think he's wearing a Bob Marley shirt.
Sarah: No, that's a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on drugs.

April: What was that?
Me: It was the cat meowing.
April: Oh, I thought it was John Lennon.

Sarah: Killing is not happy.

April: Sarah is a necrophiliac! Sarah is a necrophiliac! Sarah is a necrophiliac! Sarah is a necrophiliac! Sarah is a necrophiliac! Sarah is a necrophiliac!

Sarah: I like dead people and fictional priests!

Sarah: I thought that was a monkey.
Me: It's a ram!

Me: Wow, they have buildings in Africa?
Jay: Yes, it's not all huts, ya know.

Me: (looking at a picture of a tree in Africa) Look, it's a wild African tree!
Mare: A wild African tree?

Me: (looking at a picture of a zebra) Look at the pretty giraffe!
Jay: Yeah... wait, that's a zebra!
Me: Ohhhhh yeeeeeah!

Me: What is Peter doing? Dude, is he raping Assumpta?
Sarah: I wish.

Sarah: This is the biggest sped wedding I ever saw.

April: The X-Files is Ballykissangel and the Beatles.
Me: Why?
April: Because they all suck.

April: George Harrison is Ringo Starr. Harrison Ford is Richard Gere. Bob Marley is Phil Collins. Phil Collins is Phil Donahue. John Lennon is John Denver. John Lennon is Freak. Jay Leno is John Lennon. Johnny Carson is John Lennon. Venus Williams is Rupaul.

April: Sir Eltonjohnlennon!

April: Jay Leno, John Lennon, Jay Leno, John Lennon, Jay Leno, John Lennon...
Me: It's like the same person!

Me: Paul is an ugly, dirty old man!

Me: If they spell Paidraig P-a-i-d-r-a-i-g then why do they say it like Porick? And why is Siobhan spelled S-i-o-b-h-a-n if they pronounce it Shivaan?
Sarah: Irish people can't speak.

Me: Can you pet the elephants?
Jay: No.
Me: Can you pet the lions?
Jay: No.
Me: Can you pet the hippos?
Jay: No.
Me: Can you pet the African Tribal people?
Jay: Yes, I just went up to them and said, "Excuse me, can I pet you?"

April: Ahh! John Lennon is in the skylight window!
Me: Don't worry, if he falls through, he'll fall on Kerry.

Me: (flipping through channels) It's Paul McCartney! It's Paul McCartney! It's Paul McCartney! It's Paul McCartney! It's Paul McCartney! It's Paul McCartney!

April: (talking to the dog) Move, Bailey!
Me: Her name is Kelly.
April: Kelly, Bailey, same thing!

Me: OMG Bob Marley is dead?
Sarah: He's been dead since you were born!
Me: No way! ... Really?

Kerry: (looking at a piece of fur on the ground) What is that? It's like a dead mouse or something! (later, finding a feather) Ahh! A dead feather! There's pieces of dead animals everywhere!

Me: Haha, remember that computer from Build-a-bear?
Kerry: Yes! (starts imitating the computer)
Me: Hey, you do that good!
Kerry: Ahh! I am the computer!

Me: Look at this pic of David Duchovny when he was younger. He looks like one of the Beatles!
Sarah: Ahh, he does!
Me: ...OMG! David Duchovny is the Beatles!

April: I didn't even know there were two twin towers!

Me: What's that guy's name? Oonie boonie turban man?
Mare: You mean Osama bin Laden.
Me: Ah, right. He looks like an Arabian Santa Claus on drugs.

Me: I have so much patrioticism. No wait, that's not right... patrism?
Mare: Patriotism.
Me: That's it!

Me: They probably have security cameras in here.
Jessie: (points to a smoke detector) Yeah, I think that's one.
Me: No, that's a fire extinguisher. No, wait, I mean a fire dectector. Ah, no! A smoke detector!

Samhitha: She's like, bipolar.
Me: Bipolar?
Samhitha: Yeah, ya know, kinda manic-depressant.
Me: Manic-depressant?
Samhitha: She's nuts!
Me: Nuts?
Samhitha: God, don't tell me you don't know what the word nuts means!

Me: (in Algebra class) Is there a reason why it's so quiet in here?
Mare: Impending doom.

Me and April: We're corrupted! We're corrupted!

My mom: I are smart.
April: Ahh! I are smart! I are smart! That's so funny! I are smart!

Me: April, you mangled my hanger!
April: (bending the hanger) Yes, I did. Oh, look, it can be a picture frame! OMG, I'm a hanger artist!

Me and April: (to the tune of Summer Nights) Oooo-saaaa-maaaa-biiin Laaaa-dennnn...

Some person: Can I have everyone's attention please?
Me and April: No.

April: God, I hate her voice! When she says "sure" it sounds like "showre". It's like, New Jerseyan or something!
Me: April, that's a New York accent!

Me: (at a pep rally) God, we have the worst mixers.

Julia: (in spanish class) What does "hará" mean?
Me: (insanely) Hará!

Me: Are you an organ donor?
Catherine: Yeah.
Me: Oh, I'm not.
Rese: Why not?
Me: I don't wanna give my organs to dead people.

April: Can you get pregnant from dead people?

Me: You suck.
Justin: Oh, just eat your salad.
Me: Well, you can just eat your...ehhhh, shut up!

Me: (watching the news) Dude, the Taliban just said, "America is a terrorist." Duh, no, okay, who are the morons that started all this? They are! And hell, "America is a terrorist"? That's not even gramatically correct!

Me: (after going insane online) What's up?
Kerry: I just listened to you go insane.
Me: Really? Me too.

Me: Peter piper picked a peck of pickled Assumptas.
Sarah: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: (with pencilcase in hand) Where's my pencilcase?

Me: I finished all of my house for art class!
Mare: All of it?
Me: Well, no.

Mrs. Giermann: They are called perfect square trinomials because they are trinomials that are perfect squares.
Me: A bit redundant now, are we?

Mrs. Giermann: You have to have a very close relationship with your calculator.
Me: Well, THAT'S disturbing...

Mr. DeGideo: (at April's birthday party) Okay everyone, we're gonna sing Merry Christmas to April now.

Diana: Somebody call the bitch cops!

Sarah: He had me like, twisted in him.
Me: Like a pretzel. AHH! SARAH IS A PRETZEL!

Sarah: The world's axis will officially tilt the right way.
Me: Yeah, the right way, OUR WAY!

Sarah: John would be my short term relationship, but I would get married to Paul.
Me: Dear God, My best friend likes a dead man and a trashcan. What should I do? Thanks, Alyssa

Don't worry, knowing me and my friends, we'll have
more stupid quotes up here in no time...

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