It's the Lord of the Rings Bruhaha!

Am tired of climbing up and down eight million stairs just to taunt Gandalf. Should have imprisoned him in easy-access dungeon where could taunt more effectively, and would not have to wait until after breakfast.

Have crossed orcs with goblin men in caverns below Isengard. V. tedious experience as orcs and goblin men most reluctant to breed, even with dinner and flowers. Next time will try something easier, such as breeding goblins and cheerleaders to create super-perky army that can travel by day and will not complain about pink uniforms.

Crazy Legolas

January 11th, 3019 - Caradhras

Have time to total up the journey so far, the results are thus - No. of miles walked: too many to count; No. of annoying hobbits to deal with: 2, Merry and Pippin; No. of stupid comments stupid Dwarf Gimli made: 34; No. of Orcs killed: 0, need to kill something or will use Gimli as target practice (would this be a bad thing?).

Am stuck on mountain. Am fed up. Am seriously reconsidering deciding to take this journey. Am also seriously reconsidering my sanity.

But am only one who can walk on snow, so am smug.

January 13th, 3019 - Moria (bugger)

No. of wolves killed: 24, I think; No. of Orcs killed: 0, but got to shoot at wolves, so am feeling less homicidal; No. of big lake monsters killed: 1, go me!; No. of dead Dwarves found: didn't get a chance to count them properly, at least a dozen.

I FINALLY GOT TO SHOOT SOMETHING!!!!! LOTS OF THINGS! EVERYONE NOW SEES HOW GOOD AT ARCHERY I AM, AFTER THEY'D TEASED ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO USE A SWORD AND ONLY HAVING TWO KNIVES. In other news, went into Moria. Took ages to get in because there was a riddle and Gandalf couldn't solve it. Then Frodo had the nerve to ask Gandalf for an ELVISH word. Hello, I'm an Elf, Elvish is my first language, ask me, I know!

Got into mines and found lots of dead Dwarves, killed by Orcs. Tried not to be happy about this, but I was, on two counts: 1) shut Gimli up for a bit about how great Dwarves are; 2) there are Orcs here, more stuff for me to shoot. I was also happy that I got to shoot a big lake monster, though less than happy to find myself stuck in mines. At least Frodo managed to remember to put his necklace on properly, so it didn't fall off when he was hanging upside down. It would have been absolutely brilliant for us if he'd lost it in the lake.

February 24th - down a river, fortunately with a paddle

No. of weird flying black things killed: 1 (I hope); No. of times I saw an eagle: 1, may prove important later on, so am recording it

We got attacked, again. Think should just carry sign with 'shoot at us!' emblazoned on it.

River is boring, nothing to do. Scenery boring. Being tracked by weird thing called Gollum, Frodo bit worried. Think he's also worried about all the weird looks Boromir's been giving him; methinks Boromir wants the Ring.

As if this isn't enough, a shadow and a threat is building in my mind. Will tell Aragorn. Soon.

February 25th - Parth Galen

No. of big statues seen: 2

Yep, definitely a shadow and a threat. Must tell Aragorn.

February 26th - Parth Galen

Told Aragorn about shadow and threat. Would he listen? Nooo! Nobody listens to the Elf.

Joined Fellowship of Ring for a lark. Everyone v. nice except Legolas seems a bit testy. Yesterday held me upside down over crevasse until I admitted he was the prettiest elf in the Fellowship. Did not feel like pointing out he was only elf in Fellowship, as crevasse was very deep.

So very very true

can you?

funny fiction


heh heh

you're dumping me for merry? on national tv? how could you?!

Oooooooh! Hands go HERE!"

Yes, I like to climb trees. Look, I had "trees" tattoed on my hands, the very hands that I use to CLIMB TREES!


But i don't wanna go through the mines!

talk to the hand, master dwarf

it's funny cause it's musical chairs

girl hair!

there is no iron