
ARIES
The year ahead for you looks shit aries, I think it's proberly time to get round to doing what you've been considering your entire life.. killing yourself. If however you decide against this, you will not only have a crap year, but I see nothing but pain and mysery for you aries, for the rest of your pathetic life.
LEO
This year looks promising, the zodiac is telling me you are a dickhead, but does this mean you have a dick on your head? or that you are the head of a dick? seek the answer to this question leo and you will find out who you are.
SAGITTARIUS
The gods dislike you, that is why you we're born at the end of the year, you will come last in everything you do, your a fucking failure, you cannot suceed at anything, I'd recomend you commit suicide but you'd proberly fail in that. Just go fuck yourself for the rest of this year.
TAURUS
This year should prove interesting, a lot of people will betray you and stab you in the back, nobody fucking likes you Taurus, trust no-one and if worst comes to worst, yes thats right, KILL YOURSELF.
VIRGO
Being born during the same period as the September 11th attacks tells me that 2 things in your life with collapse, the zodiac tells me that this year looks like a piece of shit. Dont bother living it.
CAPRICORN
If you were born on christmas day, jesus will come down from heaven and molestor you in your sleep. If not, he will anyway.
GEMINI
Due to having the number 2 as your Zodiac sign, this year you will die in a freak accident involving 2 high speed trains. You will be split into 2, and it will take the autorities 2 days to identify you by dental records.
LIBRA
Libra, as you share the same name as a tampon, this year will be a total cunt, a dirty, bloody, filthy slutty cunt. A cunt will proberly decieve you, so kill any females that start to get close to you just incase.
AQUARIUS
The stars are telling me that you will drown this year cuz of your stupid connection with water, and the moon is crashing into another planet, this tells me that your a faggot. Die.
CANCER
Cancer.. even tho your star sign is pretty phat, your name tells me only one thing.. as cancer kills 2 in 3 people, you must kill 2 out of every 3 people you see, then you must kill yourself by smoking 300 cigarettes a day without exhaling.
SCORPIO
Hmm your star sign and name has direct connections with the game mortal combat, ignoring the stars, this tells me your life sucks and isnt real, you should end it before it gets out of hand.
PISCES
Oh dear, Pisces this year does not look good at all.. not at all.. eat shit and die.