How to Kill a Sick
Friend
Sometimes
having a sick friend is such a drag. They always need something. Sometimes
they're weepy, and they complain all the time. But there are ways to get rid
of this nuisance once and for all. The object is to "dump the whiner." So,
just follow these helpful steps:
-
Never,
ever call them. And don't return their calls. Even if they are still occasionally
calling you, they're so sick that they will lose their momentum and eventually
stop. After all, even if they listen to your problems, you certainly don't
want to hear theirs.
- Be harsh with them;
say mean and spiteful things, especially when they seem vulnerable. Remember,
even if they were there for you in the past, the idea is to get rid of them
now. The sick and afraid are particularly sensitive to cruelty, and the more
you use, the better
- Write them out of
your life - don't tell them about social events, especially parties you are
holding. And if they actually try to have one themselves, don't show up, and
don't RSVP. That way they'll be wondering if you are coming right up to the
very last of the party.
- Never invite them
to join you for lunch, or a concert or a show. That would only make them think
you cared.
- Never call just to
say hi and see how they're doing. And never ask them if they need anything
at the store when you go.
These techniques will
definitely kill them, one way or another. They will definitely kill the friendship;
and even if they don't kill physically, psychological, emotional or spiritual
murder also counts. If they had the nerve to go and get sick, it's not your
problem.
Remember, some sick
people have some hope that anyone cares. These are the toughest, so you must
remember to stick with it. Don't let them wear you down, and whatever you do,
don't break down and care. You'll never get rid of them that way.