*...Sitting and thinking...thinking...getting up and pacing...sitting and looking at a blank screen...*

     I am putting this online so that you know it is from me...no one else can get into my online site...so you KNOW these words are from ME, Lorrie...

   Harold, I want to talk to you so badly. I can't think of what to say to make things all better. I know everyone got hurt out of this. It may never be alright again...but I feel like I need to TRY to get things straight between us. I think of nothing else...and it is eating me up inside.

   I dont trust anyone, anymore. Its hard to even trust you. But, I couldn't have written the things I did, without trusting you. *sad smile*

     I shouldn't have talked with you like I did, Harold. Jeana liked you, and I knew that. I should have never talked to you privately. I'm very sorry she got hurt. I'm sorry that you got hurt too...because I know you did..there is no way you could have NOT been hurt by all of this.

   I should just leave it like it is. Shouldnt bother IMing you..should just close it all down and forget it all.  But I can't Harold...I can't forget you *smiling* Its not only the time we were together...*soft smile*  Your a pretty special guy, hero.

*..stopping for a minute...wrapping my arms around myself and walking back and forth...how can I put things so that they are clear? I want to make sure that it is NOT missunderstood again. I want to let you know that I care about you, but I'm afraid of you too. *

    I can understand if you dont want to talk to me anymore. I lied to you Harold. I was paranoid that everything I said to you was going straight to the girls. So when you asked me, straight out, if it had been 'us' when we cybered..I lied and said 'no'...I tried to explain the next time we talked...tried to tell you I had lied about that and only that...I have not told you any other lies. I have never 'sent you to town' or 'set you up' (as you accused me the last time we talked) I have never passed any of your words to the girls...

    What do I want now? I want things like they used to be, I suppose. I know I can't have that, so maybe to start again as strangers? Agree to be just friends?...anything you want, I will do. I would just like to know what YOU want, thats all...*soft smile* 

    I  don't want the girls involved with any relationships I have. But if you must tell them, then it does not bother me anymore... I dont care what they think of me..I only care what YOU think of me, and that things are alright between "Us".  

I can't think of any other way to put it, babe. I miss you, I hope everything is going good for you..and no matter what..I smile when I think of you. *U no it*

*~Cantadora~*