I learned so many things in the woods, it would be hard to tell them all. Some of them I would NOT tell regardless. A lot of who I am, and who I was--originated in the woods. The trees became a refuge to me as a child. The animals that lived there became both playmates and friends. To say that I understood all that happened there would be a lie, but I learned so very much about myself, in that sanctuary. It is a place I wish I could return to with adult eyes and thoughts, to compare.
Yet, at the same time, I fear returning--like a child that has misbehaved, and dreads confessing to their parents. I did not live up to expectations of what I promised when I was there. I gave in to conformity when I was forced to leave the woods. I feel I let down the hopes and dreams instilled in me while I was there. I am not foolishly saying that the trees had dreams of what I would become--I am saying that the dreams I had for myself, based on the trees influence, on their strength--I did not fulfill. I gave in to the will of others, allowed myself to be controlled, and did not follow the examples set before me.
Some things I did retain. My conception of life and death. That is something that I will never falter on. The knowledge of power and energies that everything possesses--that will always be with me. The sense of belonging, and of how things fit in the world...I don't think I ever totally lost them. But I did allow myself to be influenced, to be controlled, to be manipulated--I allowed a big part of who was 'Me' to be destroyed. I even helped that to happen in many ways. I am wiser now, I am stronger..but to know that I was weak enough to let those things happen...that shames me.
There is a fairness in the woods that cannot be found in any civilization. When you are judged by human standards, you will always fall short of expectations. Alternately, to be judged by Nature, you will stand or fall based on your own merit. Nature cares not what you do, who you know, where you have been. It only deals in the here and now--it accepts without question...it asks for nothing but what you would give freely...and in turn, it gives freely of all that it has.
I have only a few of my childhood memories that are my own. They are tragic, they are traumatic and those are not for sharing. The parts that I can share, like the story of us coming to the farm, are memories of stories told to me. The main things I retain from childhood are of the woods, of what I learned and what I was taught...
Many people ask questions but never find the answers. Some of the them forget the question, and when the answer comes to them it is useless. Some people don't even bother to ask, only accept what they already know. It is the same with many things..wealth, opportunity, happiness and love. It is only your conception of reality, that makes you. You are limited only by your vision of yourself. Need further explanation? How does a blind child know he is blind--unless he is told? If the blind child is also deaf, does that mean that he never discovers that he is blind? Most people are "blind" but are cursed with the ability to hear others tell them that they can't see...
Stop listening! :o)
(Taking a break before writing more)