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Of Walls and Greatness


The Wall of Greatness has a rich and mysterious history, much of which I am only now uncovering, so please excuse any "gaping plot holes" in my research, I will attempt to fill them soon. Also, a surprising amount of this research is strongly rooted in acknowledged facts, so run a search-engine check or two before completely discounting it.

The earliest forms of Walls of Greatness were found spread across the globe, if not in the center then at least not too close to the edge of the rudimentary foundations of many blossoming cultures.

One of the most ancient still-standing Walls is found outside of Salsbury, England, and commonly referred to as Stonehenge. The early druids raised giant slabs of stone in honor of those they deemed as Great, such as high priests, sacrifices, Terry (of "Terry's Druid Robe Shop" fame), and of course the coconuts that formed the center of their religious beliefs. However, early attempts at inscribing names in these slabs with pointed sticks led to scraped fingers, poked-out eyes, and developement of the opinion that the deep, simplistic carving style required to make Names of The Great legible on such porous rock clashed tackily with their mystic symbols and their attire. Instead, once a year, The Great were assembled at the site of the Wall and climbed on top for ceremonial coconut dancing (which usually excluded the sacrificed) as they were praised. This resulted in a great number of the stones being knocked over.


Another English Wall, though built later, does not survive to this day. The London Wall was built in 1831 and stood by the banks of the Thames river for 140 years, near the site of the famed London Bridge. In the late 1960s when the Bridge was expected to collapse and was therefore deemed fit for demolition, Robert McCulloch stepped in an bought it for $2.4 million. The Wall, also crumbling, was thrown in for free. The London Bridge was disassembled and moved, brick by brick, to Lake Havasu City, Arizona, and reassembled in Lake Havasu itself. The Wall was reputedly lost in transport over the Bermuda Triangle, as it has never resurfaced.


A more modern example, though no longer standing, was for a short time to be found in Washington D.C., from early 1980 to later in 1980. This Wall, stretching an impressive 26 feet, was demolished when Congress authorized its site for the building of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. This move was well-recieved by the public, as the original Wall was a persuasive monument commisioned by the Secretary of Defense announcing the death of Disco. Its destruction was taken as a sign that Disco would, indeed, never die. A "better" more modern example of a Wall of Greatness would be the aforementioned Vietnam Veterans Memorial, but as it's history is widely known, it will not be discussed in this document.


As the date might indicate, the Disco Wall was built in the height of the Cold War, and as might be expected, Russia immediately built several Walls in response. Insubstantial and unconfirmable rumour has it that for one of the most spectacular Russian Walls, material was recovered from the fabled lost Amber Room, an exquisite room covered in carved amber panelling that was housed in Catherine Palace outside of St. Petersburg before is was looted by Nazis in 1941 and disappeared.