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Here at The Meow, we find it necessary to introduce ourselves to the student body. In order to do that we have included the following:

As a showing of school spirit, a few of the most popular people in school have decided to produce a medium in which that super-school spirit could be displayed. A few misconceptions may occur while reading our document. In order to combat the onslaught of angry teenagers [the most vigorous and most effective in achieving any civic duty] we have included the following:

The Meow is NOT an attack on The Roar; it is in no way a play on words, or a mockery of previously said periodical. The Meow does NOT condone any insubordinate acts against the school's authority. The Meow is NOT mocking the mass majority of students at Northview High [even though it may seem like it at times]. The Meow does NOT support the so called "boycott" of school events and believes that activities such as football games, basketball games, school sponsored dances, and swim meets, are the basis of developing a well rounded social life, which is the most important thing in any young persons life. Such social skills will allow one to better assimilate into mainstream society as an adult. And if it weren't for such an assimilation, this country might not have elected a president quite as charismatic as George W. Bush, one of the finest presidents since Ronald Regain.

The Meow IS a hard news school publication, which will [in the future] cover, in depth, the many serious aspects of life here at Northview High. The Meow will be there to get the story, whatever it takes. That is our promise to you, the viewer... er... I mean reader. We will be there in May, when the school faces the tough decision of student election [a meaningful and purposeful event and not a popularity contest, as many believe]. The Meow will bring you coverage of every football game and other sporting event. Yes, you read correctly. Every singly one.

That is all for your introduction to The Meow, now enjoy the rest of the "Back To School Special".

How did you pay for this newspaper?

When I think of going back to school, I want to shoot myself square in the face. It is only the hope that after one more year passes I may finally get away from the place that I realize, if I give in to death now, they win. So, this school year, my resolution is to stay alive, long enough so that one day I will be able to look back and my school days and laugh. Laugh at the ignorance of the teachers, the mindless sociality of the students, and the dressing habits of some of my closest friends. Then, after laughing, I will press the big red button, and laugh once again.

This periodical is written by eccentric people who find humor in satire. The articles in this paper are (at best) based on actual events. There are occasions in which graphic scenes are depicted. There are occasions where we mock something you may find important (we obviously don't). There are occasions that we out right insult you. If you are offended by any of the publication, don't read it... all I'm saying is, nobody is holding a gun to your head.

• Backpacks
• Binders
• Calculator
• Chalk
• Colored Pencils
• Compass
• Computer Disks
• Computer Paper
• Crayons
• Desk Lamp
• Dictionary
• Erasers
• Filler Paper
• Folders
• Glue
• Gym Shorts
• Highlighter
• Ink Jet Cartridges
• Jeans
• Kleenex
• Lunch Box
• Markers
• Notebooks
• Padlock
• Paper Clips
• Pencil Box
• Pencil Sharpener
• Pencils
• Pens
• Ruler
• Scissors
• Snacks
• Sneakers
• Socks
• Sport Bag
• Stapler
• T-shirts
• Tape
• Underwear
• Watch
• White Out

There are going to be freshman this year. As every year before, the freshman will be in the way of the big kids. They will think they are "hot stuff" being in high school now. They will try and make friends with you. They will need help finding their classes.

And that is where it gets interesting. As experienced high schoolers, you will know where their classes are. And now you have power. You can show them the correct way. Or you can be a jackass and lead them all over the school, pretending to be nice and helpful, while all along you are being evil. Either way, you have an excuse to be late to your classes... "I was showing some stupid freshmen to their class."

Well it's that time of year again, August 26 is coming fast, and summer is drawing to an end. Yeah, I know... it sucks. Well for me, there is just one more year. One more year of stupid teachers, lunches not fit for prison, stupid card playing idiots (you know the people I'm talking about), the 'Book Nazi', and all the other things that are wrong with NHS. For the rest of you that are stuck here for a few more years, just keep up whatever has gotten you this far and you might survive!

This is the time of year that is the worst. The first days of school... what a joke! For six hours they put us in a 30 foot by 30 foot "cell" with about 30 other prisoners and they read us all the stupid rules of the class! Rules... now some of those are funny, because as far as I can tell some of them should be ripped out of the rulebook and others should be strongly enforced. Like that rule against smelly people who don't shower (yes, check your planners, it is in there). Smelly people are in my "learning environment". It's just sick!

Well for the select few of you who are getting something out of High School, good for you. And for the rest of you, just keep counting down the days until June 10* (or for seniors, May 27*).

*Dates are the ones from last year and may be different for this school year.

As many of you may remember from last years first day, not much is accomplished. A lot of getting to know your fellow students (that you already know). An introduction to the class syllabus. And other various, stay-seated activities.

This year, there is a new product on the market for just the occasion. It's called a "Butt-Pillow TM" and all the cool kids have them. They come in crazy colors such as red, blue, and the ever-popular off-white.

I suggest you all go out and get your very own Butt-Pillow TM right now! If you don't, I suspect that nobody will be your friend anymore. And you can't afford not to lose great friends that will ignore your very existence if you do not conform to their view of "cool"... you just can't!

I never have been able to figure out the points/hours scale at our school. Some teachers assign gigantic, time-consuming projects that they think will somehow broaden our learning horizons, but in reality just take up far too many hours of our time, yet after we work tirelessly on these projects we turn them in to find out that they are worth only 30 or 40 points. Later in the week, we may be assigned a simple worksheet or extra-credit crossword puzzle, that takes 5 minutes to complete and is worthe equal, if not more, points. Because of this, it is quite possible to bypass many hours of work by simply doing easy extra-credit assignments.

This method works for most teachers at our school, but some teachers have caught on, so make sure you know your teachers before you try to skip their assignments. For example, some teachers will not allow you to turn in extra credit until all normal assignments are completed. This throws a serious damper on the skip-assignment-do-extra-credit plan. But don't fear, most teachers do not hold this policy, so you'll be able to spend plenty of time, by just comparing how many hours each of your points is costing you.

Towards the end of eighth grade I am sure that you were "warned" about some of the harsher aspects of high school. Some of the warnings are true. For example, because you are a freshman, everybody will hate you (not me, but everybody). There is also some truth in the more difficult homework. But the one about your locker jamming, that one is completely false.

The lies have been created to disorientate you into a state of freshman-confusion. This will leave you vulnerable to attack by seniors, juniors, and even the brave sophomore. They have been supported by the teaching staff, because the teachers are out to get you as well. And, some of your fellow freshman will sacrifice you for the chance to be accepted by the other classes. You can't trust anybody.

Except for the good, moral, and honest people here at The Meow. We are here to give you the truth. The lockers are exactly the same as the ones you have been using for the past four years (assuming you have been in the Northview District). So you have no fears about a locker jamming and making you late for class... unless you are a dumbass.

On behalf of the Senior Class I would like to welcome all the old, as well as all the new students, to a new school year at Northview National Blue Ribbon High School. For all of you who have decided to return, you're stupid. But look at the bright side, only one more year (for seniors)! As for the rest of you, good bye and we hope you don't make it out of this hellhole... missing a limb or anything.

I know today is the first day for most of you little overpopulating runts (A.K.A. freshmen) and I'd like for you to know that none of us care! Seniors had to find their way around the school on their own, as did the other classes. You're not special. If you have a problem with it, I'm sure you could find one of the seniors to argue about your privileges with.

You see, what you all fail to understand is that this is our last year in High School and we don't care much about anything here anymore. So this is your first and last warning: You are not meant to be heard, therefore, do not speak. For all of you smart asses who are in our classes because you are not as dumb as the rest of the freshman, you will pay. You will pay for trying to show off and we will make sure that you do our work as well as for your own.

I have just addressed the Class of 2007. As for you other three classes. Sophomores, you made it through Freshman year. But that doesn't mean we are not still out to get you. Juniors... eyyy... Fuck off. You're not seniors yet and if you even think you're going to meet up with our shit...nope, not a chance. And finally...SENIORS! THE CLASS OF 2004! We've made it through three years in this prison and we're about to get out! Now, let's make the best of it... get wasted, have safe sex...but a lot of it, and don't do anything stupid like...get held back a year. All right? All right... see you on August 26th!

*Note from the Editor: This Article is only here to fill space. I think it sucks (I edited the hell out of this thing, and I still think it sucks, so I gave up). I disagree with the whole thing. I mean, seniors don't care if underclassmen leave campus during lunch. I think there is a good portion of seniors that will get wasted and have safe and unsafe sex, I am not one of them. I think they are stupid. I don't think that seniors are going to force a freshman to do their homework. If you have a freshman in your class, be embarrassed, because you are dumb. And I am sure Joe is going to kick my ass.

Now here is a list of coming events. These are real. Not fake. Trust me. And if you have a "Coming Event" that you would like to advertise here, all you have to do is e-mail us at The_Meow@Hotmail.com with the "Coming Event" Information (place "Coming Event" in the subject and include Date, Location, Brief Description, and YOUR NAME) and we will be happy to include it in the issue.

• First Day of School
  • August 26, 2003 @ 7:43 a.m.
  • Northview High School - 4451 Hunsberger
  • A wicked end to the summer. The Northview High School is hosting a killer all day party!
  Open House
  • August 27, 2003 @ 7 p.m.
  • Northview High School - 4451 Hunsberger
  • Send your parents to school and force them to endure the pain that you must on the first day of school... and maybe they will see why you insisted on bringing a "Butt-Pillow".
• First Day Off
  • August 30, 2003
  • Anywhere
  • It's Labor Day Weekend and schools out for the first day of the year. So go out and celebrate the great contributions of the Central Labor Union and their crazy idea for a "Labor Day" for people to praise the laborers for the Greatness that they produced in our fine country. Technically this is correct, it is the first saturday and thusly the first day off. But the actual first weekday off is Spetember 1, 2003 [for the same reason].
• School Sucks Party
  • ugust 30, 2003 @ 8:00 p.m.
  • Skellitones - 133 S. Division.
  • If you like PUNK RAWK, or if you just like to say you do, then has Skellitones got a show for you. Punk rawker's who will play include Duckbomb, Look Ma No Ham, The Meehs, and Northview's own (sort of) The Misdemeanors. It will most likely be $5 at the door, so bring your parent's money.

If you would like to applaud our great deeds to human kind or if you think we are a blight upon the world, please send an e-mail to The_Meow@Hotmail.com. We also try and maintain a website located at www.Angelfire.com/Hi5/TheMeow. We look forward to you input. And if we like what you have to say (or how you say it), we'll print it (with your permission, of course).

The Meow is an independent organization. We are not sponsored by any of the free services we use (Angelfire or Hotmail). Also, we are independent from the school's administration. That means that if you complain to the teachers or principals, all they can really do is trample our Free Speech rights. Also, we wish to function as a place to voice your opinion. If you have something to say, we're here for YOU!