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If I Am

Rating: PG 13 for suicidal themes.
Aurthor:Christine

Disclaimer:
Sadly, I do not own Harry Potter. As much as I want to, I don’t. I also don’t own the song, If I Am, NineDays does. Author’s notes:
Give it a chance, please, and don’t forget to review and let me know what you think. But I beg, no flames. Please be kind. ::makes puppy eyes::

~**~

Harry walked up the stairs to the top of the Astronomy tower. His final was the next day, and he wanted to get a little studying done. It was his last exam at Hogwarts, and he wanted it to be his best too.
When he reached the top, he looked out and saw Ginny standing at the edge and looking down. She was so close, there was only a few inches separating her from a long fall. Her eyes had a far off look in them; she seemed to be reflecting on something.
As Harry approached, he called out to her. When she faced him, and her mind returned to her body, he could see the pain reflecting in her eyes. Instantly, he knew something was wrong. He couldn’t think of what was going on, but he feared for her. Seeing her like this was just too hard, especially after the past year.
“Ginny, what’s wrong?” He asked her. “You look kinda down.”
She looked into his eyes, and her pain seemed so strong, it was almost tangible. “I come up here sometimes, when I need to think. There is something about this place; it’s quite, no siblings around for once. For the time I am here, it’s like no one else exists.”
Harry gave her a questioning look; he had heard all the Weasley siblings talking about the crowding and lack of privacy; about how it was impossible to be alone, but never like this, especially not from Ginny.

So you’re standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall
So far down, or maybe you were thinking about jumping,
Now you could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For thought I cannot fly
I’m not content to crawl….

Answering his unspoken question, she elaborated. “I have nothing in this world, maybe in the future, there will be something for me, but I don’t want to wait.” She glanced away and her mind seemed to once again drift off.
“Come on Ginny,” Harry said, “don’t talk like that. Even if you seem overshadowed now, just think of what tomorrow may bring.”
“I told you, I just can’t wait that long.” She replied, still staring out into space.
“Ginny, I can’t stand to see you like this,” Harry said, “I told you, before, we may have had are differences in the past few weeks, but I still mean what I said, I love you, I always will. Trust me, things will look better tomorrow; just see what tomorrow brings. Trust me, it’s not to late for us.”
Ginny sighed and for a second, she looked into Harry’s eyes. She almost seemed happy again, but it only lasted a moment.

So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I want to be with you forever
If tomorrow’s not too late…

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ginny murmured softly. “Please just go, and let me sort through this myself. I can’t talk about this with you. It’ll get my hopes up, and I don’t want to see them shattered again.”
“If you don’t talk to me about this, then you won’t even see what could happen,” Harry begged. “I know I can help, I won’t let you down.”
Ginny faced away from Harry, and stared at the stone wall opposite the ledge she stood on. “But I have nothing, I lost the only thing I did care for. Trust me, it is too late.”

But it’s always too late when you’ve got nothing,
So you say…
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today….

If I am
Another waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down…

If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down….

Harry reached deep down into his soul, trying to find a way to reach her, but it seemed impossible. She couldn’t even let him help her. Her spirit seemed so far diminished; he didn’t think she could be reached.

Ginny began to pace along the edge, staring down into the blackness. It was such a long drop; you couldn’t see the bottom in the black of night. She seemed to be building the courage to drop off into the abyss.

“Ginny, don’t do it,” Harry begged. “If you die, a part of me will die to. Please, I know that you want more than you have now. You’re not happy, but at least stick it out for now.”

So you’re walking on the edge
And you wait your turn to fall
But you’re so far gone
That you don’t see the hands upheld to catch you….

And you could find the fault
In the heart that you’ve been handed
For though you cannot fly
You’re not content to crawl….
So you’re standing on a ledge
It looks like you might fall…

Feeling Harry’s pain, Ginny stopped her pacing, and once more turned to face him. His words seemed to reach her, but her soul still longed for more.

“Ginny,” Harry murmured, “We can take it one day at a time; I promise, I will be here with you. I can’t promise that things will end up perfect, things never do. But I can promise that I will stand bye you, and I will not let you down.

His plea wasn’t quite what she was looking for, but….

The answers we find
Are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along…
You don’t talk of dreams
I won’t mention tomorrow
And we won’t make those promises that we can’t keep…

I will never leave you
I will not let you down…

I will never leave you
I will not let you down…

~**~
A/N: Well, let me know if you have any questions, I’d be happy to answer them, if there are ones. And please, review!!!