Pillow Talk
A woman's point of view...
~*~ By Layla ~*~
This week we'll be discussing a woman's view
on single men in the lifestyle.
I can't begin to count the number of times I have been asked by single men, "How can I get involved in the Lifestyle and swinging?" Well, there is no really easy answer for that. With it being mainly a couple's activity, and every couple having at least one man already, and maybe only 25% of the couples want to include either more men than that, or want to specifically play with single men, that doesn't leave a whole lot of opportunities. Add to that the number of single men already vying for the few opportunities there are, and trust me, unless you have something VERY special to bring to the table, you're chances aren't that great.
There are those who would say that swinging is strictly a couple's activity, and that any single men involved are not actually swingers or lifestylers, just very fortunate. I think it all depends on your reasons for wanting to do it. If you want to join couples in fulfilling their fantasies, and you are interested in COUPLES, not just single swinging females, and not just the wife, then I think you are definitely a lifestyler. If you are only interested in single females, you need to go to a singles bar. And if you are only looking to screw the wife, not only are you in it for the wrong reasons, but it's probably not going to happen. Ditto for thinking swinging is an easy way to get laid. It's not.
If you are into this because you ARE into this, because you enjoy being with couples, you enjoy seeing others receive pleasure, and you love helping couples make their fantasies come true, and you possibly have some of your own, then you are off to a great start. One good way to improve your chances is to have a good personality, and be a gentleman. If you are friendly, and outgoing, and pleasant to be around, then people will enjoy being around you. You also need to be polite and VERY respectful. My husband tells me that the one sure way for a man to ingratiate himself is for the man to introduce himself FIRST to my husband, and spend some time getting to know HIM. This is a smart move, because we are a COUPLE, and he has final say on who he shares me with. (with my approval, of course) Also, don't ever forget that these women are not single. She is someone's WIFE. Respecting that is very important. Don't think she is obligated to do anything with you just because she may occasionally play with other men. Don't think that if she says "No, Thank You" in front of her husband you can then convince her to sneak off alone with you. Respect the relationship, and respect the woman.
And speaking of respect, we are on to the next most important thing...
DO NOT BE PUSHY AND DO NOT TOUCH WITHOUT ASKING FIRST!!
I put that in big capital letters because it is so very important. You have to remember that even though this is a swinger's club, or party, does not mean you can touch or fondle whomever you want. The rules are not THAT different here. If anything, they are stricter. Whatever would get you slapped at another club is liable to get you tossed out of a swinger's club. (and slapped, too) Even if a woman smiles at you, speaks to you, dances with you, or even flirts with you, do not touch without asking, and do not assume she will have sex with you. Don't mistake friendliness or flirtiness with a sexual invitation. Most lifestylers will make it completely clear if they want to play with you. You won't have to guess. As for being pushy, just don't do it. Don't keep asking if someone wants to play, and don't follow them around. If you have been pursuing them, and they go off to play alone or with someone else, don't follow and hope to be invited to join. Again, if they want to play with you, they will make it clear. And just on a side note...in a club atmosphere, voyeurism is fine, but you shouldn't enter the room without being invited in. Watch from outside, and for God's sake, be quiet. Nothing ruins the mood quicker than loud conversation or laughter from the doorway.
If you are lucky enough to be invited to play with a couple, realize you are there to fulfill their fantasies. Be sure you are clear on everyone's boundaries and comfort levels, and respect them. And if you have any boundaries, make sure you let them be known, too. Do not ever violate anyone's pre-set boundaries. And remember that you are supposed to be fulfilling fantasies, so don't just "get yours" and leave it at that. Practice your foreplay, and do a LOT of it! Otherwise, your first time is liable to be your last. And don't ever forget condoms! They are a must! Keep them in your pocket! Remain polite, respectful, and a gentleman before, during, and after. Say "Thank You", offer to exchange numbers, if they want. Help everyone find their clothes. And don't get all possessive of the wife afterwards, either. They may want to move on and play with other people as well. Don't keep coming up trying to get a little more, and even if they have played with you, the rule about asking before touching still applies. Also, don't automatically assume they will then play with you every time they see you. They may, or they may not. And it may or may not have anything to do with you personally.
I will tell you that polite, friendly, respectful, intelligent, GENTLEMANLY men are a rarity. Not only in the lifestyle, but everywhere, sadly. If you are one, then your chances are excellent. If you also have a nice size dick, and some special talents and techniques, then you are definitely going to do well. For me personally, (and some women I have asked) if a man treats me like a total princess, I am putty in his hands. I would think that would be true for most women. I get all dressed up, and put on make-up, and go out one night a week. On that night, I want to forget I am somebody's housewife, or somebody's mother, or somebody's employee. I want to be a sex goddess. I want to be TOLD I am a sex goddess. I want to be treated like a complete lady. I want to be spoiled and pampered like a princess. Just keep that in mind. A little glimpse into the soul of a woman...free of charge.
Good Luck and Happy Lifestyling!
~*~Layla~*~
NEXT WEEK: "How do I convince my Wife to try swinging?"
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