This is a poem I wrote for a friend to always remind her of the good times we've had.
Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing (i hate that)
6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go
The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
A peach is a peach
**WELL here's a few reasons why guys like girls...**
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
SEX IS A TEMPTATION
SKY IS BLUE
WATER IS WET
I'LL MAKE YOU COME
I'LL MAKE YOU SWEAT
PRESSED AGAINST MY BODY
MOVIN UP AND DOWN
SLOWLY BUT FIRMLY
WE WILL MOVE THE GROUND
SEX IS EVIL
SEX IS A GAME
ONE NIGHT OF PASSION
NINE MONTHS OF PAIN
BABYS A BASTARD
FATHERS A GIT
THE FUCKING CONDOM SPLIT!
SEX IS LIKE MATHS
YOU SUBTRACT THE CLOTHES
ADD THE BED
DIVIDE THE LEGS
ROSES ARE RED
GRASS IS GREEN
OPEN YOUR LEGS
AND I'LL FILL
YOU WITH CREAM
HICKERY DICERY DOC
DIS BITCH WAS SUCKING ME COCK
THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO
ME DUMPED ME GOO
AND DUMPED HER AT DA
END OF THE BLOCK IN IT!!!
SEX IS GOOD
SEX IS FINE
JUST FOR FUN
OR GETTING PAID
|The SIMPLE LIFE|
~In kindergarten your idea of a goodfriend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was leftwas the ugly black one. |
~In first grade your idea of agood friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your handas you walked through the scary halls.
~In second grade your ideaof a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
~In third grade your idea of a good friendwas the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on thebus.
~In fourth grade your ideaof a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.
~In fifth grade your idea of a friend wasthe person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
~In sixth grade your idea ofa friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and askedthem to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn'thave to be embarrassed.
~In seventh grade your idea of a friend wasthe person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night beforethat you had.
~In eighth grade your ideaof a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals andold baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out intotears.
~In ninth grade your idea of a good friendwas the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't windup being the only freshman there.
~In tenth grade your idea ofa good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would havesomeone to sit with at lunch.
~In eleventh grade your idea of a goodfriend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced yourparents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.
~In twelfth grade your ideaof a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you dealwith your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...
~At graduationyour idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside butmanaged the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.
~The summer after twelfth gradeyour idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottlesfrom that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't dealwith your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan wereback together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up foruniversity and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days ofchildhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make itin college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sentyou off to college knowing you were loved.
~Now, your idea of a good friend isstill the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your handwhen you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you,thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you haveforgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need tohold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goesout of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps youbecome a better person, and most importantly loves you!
Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic
Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Marge picks up the extension and hears:
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!
Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz?
Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what, young man?"
Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!
Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt Oh, wait a minute...
Uh, Hugh Jass?
Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem!
Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney says "You sure do!"
Oh...it's you, isn't it?
Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss?
Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!
Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says, "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle?
All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present"
or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Hey, what are you laughing at?
What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it.
It's my big ears, isn't it, kids?
Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
Mr. Burns says "I'm looking
for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland"
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh?
First name Wayland, is it?
Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
(Homer) Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
(Moe) Eura Snotball?
(Homer) What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!