Sports

RPNN Sports Shorts 4
By, Paul Mann (Editor and weirdo)

Monopoly not to become an Olympic sport.

Head officials from the Olympic committee released the final blow in a series of hopes for many board game enthusiasts this week. What may have been the most controversial move across the board, those who lead the committee voted not to allow the popular property game known as monopoly into the 2004 summer Olympics. The game would have allowed the track and field to be converted into a giant board in a weeklong marathon to see which player could ruin their opponents out of the competition. Teams from across the world would have a month of prequalification tournaments and the top qualifiers would chose the pewter token of their choice. This decision also crushed the hopes for other board games such as extreme operation and an Olympic pool for barrel full of monkeys. Top athletes in the field included Bill gates and Steve Jobs who were sorely disappointed with the ordeal. Both Jobs and Gates vowed their next operating systems would be more evil and have twice as many error messages.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays claim mediocre seasons cause of beeper curse.

It is easy for fans of a team that screws up or has a lousy season to blame it on some unnatural force to escape fault. The Chicago cubs with their anti goat seating rules and the Red Sox curse of the great Bambino are popular examples. But the latest report, which is even harder to swallow, is that of the recent discovery of the “Tampa Bay Devil Ray Beeper Curse”. The TBDRBC apparently originated back when the team was accepted into the major leagues in march 9th of 1995. A fan by the name of I.C. Wiener (A man really named this and not the common pranksters name) wanted to page the soon to be head officials at the time, wanting lifetime season tickets and the call was never returned. The officials reading the name displayed on the pager thought it was a prank call and disregarded the whole thing. Mr. Wiener was so outraged that he put a curse on the team vowing they’d never get anywhere decent in the win columns. A year or so ago the team was so desperate for wins that they called Mr. Wiener, offering him season tickets to lift the curse. I.C. decided that the insult was greater than that and demanded that the team change their names to the I.C. Wieners. The Devil Rays refused to be known as a bunch of wieners and the deal never came through. Recently Mr. Weiner passed away leaving several fans to believe a lifelong curse had been put in place. Whether or not the curse actually exists, club officials now promise that they will answer any page, even if it comes from Prince Albert in a can.