Past articles from 2/16/03
RPNN Behind the Tube: Smurfs.
By, Paul Mann (Editor and Weirdo)
Hello Readers, Welcome to what may become a series of pathetic looks
behind the rich and famous, the wild and crazy, the unreal and so on.
I recently conducted an in-depth interview with one of cartoon's best
known superstars. I took special care to make sure I got the whole story
of the Smurfs, those beloved mushroom village creatures from none other
than Papa Smurf. What may follow may shock you, entice you or just flat
confuse the heck out of you. I strongly advise that any of our readers
that suffer from a weak stomach or other ninny type diseases to not read
any further.
Paul: It's good to be here… Papa smurf is it?
Papa Smurf: Yes that's me. (Dragging a puff from some smoking device and
then hacking.)
Paul: Yeah, well I have a few questions regarding issues and I'm hoping
solve that which has set on our minds long enough. First of all tell us
a little about where baby smurfs come from.
PS: Well to smurf it simply, we invented a smurf 'n' go machine. You see
in our smurf we don't have any females so we had to come up with an alternative.
We smurfed a machine where we smurf it and out smurfs a smurf.
P: What about Smurfette? I know she was just one female but that could
be enough.
PS: Smurfette was really Elvis Presley turned into a smurf by gargamel.
Elvis didn't really die like people think. Gargamel smurfed up Elvis back
in the 70's and smurfed him into Smurfette and he or she or you know smurfed
to our village for safety.
P: What about the little girl smurf in the later years of the series?
PS: Oh that smurf? Smurf, that wasn't a female either. Just a genetic
smurf when hefty smurfed after a smurfy binge.
P: Amazing. Well what about this age old rumor that you are communist?
PS: Me a commie? No way smurf. The reason why my smurfs smurfed it white
was because we didn't want that mother smurfing azriel to be able to smurf
us apart. It's simple smurf really. Look the same and you smurf more of
a chance of living to smurf another day.
P: What about your red hat? Wouldn't that make you easy to pick out?
PS: Well eh smurf ah it was a smurf from my fathersky I mean father.
P: Really? How about this photo of you and Stalin Posing at a miniature
golf course?
PS: I have no smurf what you are smurfing about. Would you like some vodk…vino?
P: And what about this CIA document with 400 counts of espionage with
the group known as the KGB?
PS: I uh…geeze um smurf, is it getting smurf in here? I'll turn on the
smurf conditioner.
P: What about this article from the toon daily of you and Mao Tsetung
doing the mambo for commie foundation.
PS: Look…err my friend; I would advise not smurfing this any further.
Please Smurf to the next topic.
P: Very Well. What about talk of you and your smurfs drug cartel in the
south pacific?!!
PS: This conversation is over!! Brainy, Mob smurf, grouchy take care of
this bum!!
After tossing off the little pests and having them taken to the little
house I concluded that this was just another case of a toon gone smurf.
It seems as if a little politics and smurf will only smurf it all smurf.
So simply put, it just smurfed to be Papa Smurf. Thank you for reading
and I'll see you next time on RPNN behind the Tube.
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