Could circumstances have been more perfect?
This brilliant ball of fire
descending from a red heaven.
And a likeness of its splendor
mirrored on what once was
and endless bed of deep blue possibilities.
Sweet melody of songbirds
did harmonize the gentle breeze
all the while the reeds would whistle
entice the clouds to dance.
Each cloud itself would slowly speak,
in monotone though low and deep,
one silent solemn word of wisdom
as they danced across a crystal sky.
And at that moment hope flew by
followed next by honesty, unity at its side.
Then the most powerful of all came near.
Hovering beneath her wing
it seemed to fall from Mother Natureís grasp.
True beauty through me to my feet to ask.
Could I be the one to comprehend the depths to which
severity can stretch beyond entirety?
Then it happened.
I pulled her close to taste her smile
and with that, flesh on flesh,
my soul escaped inside her chest
our hearts entwined, combined and blessed.
This empty space inside my mind
was filled at last
one last time.
In that moment I understood the world.
That passing breeze now gone for good
had left one final word.
The Short Story
When I was sixteen
My best friend killed himself.
Alcohol took his place
And lasted ten years at least.
I met a girl.
She was everything I imagined
perfection to be
but I was too caught up.
Some years later
I met another girl
and was diagnosed
I beat it but they said
I would never have children.
She and I started a life together.
She already had a child
but I had the habits.
Foggy nights and broken furniture
with sunlight mocking my naked body
sprawled out on the couch
It came time to choose.
Another life or death.
So I quit drinking
and she left me anyway.
Then we got back together.
My fish can swim!
And sheís due in February
with our baby girl.
Wanna Go for a Ride?
I awoke three times last night pouring sweat and out of breath. The nightmare from my youth came back. Iím running for my life and being chased by Freddy Krueger. Every time he catches me I wake up, tell myself it was only a dream, and go back to sleep, back to my nightmare. I tried to tell Emma about it but she told me I was watching too many scary movies. So then weíre late and Iím not sure if Iíll make the bus. We see the bus, and I get on, but because we were late Micah missed his bus and Emma had to drive him to school making her late for work. I studied for my big Spanish exam to be taken at 12:40 in Murkland 115 fighting off feelings of failure and racing thoughts. I wonder if I can still graduate in May and still donít know that answer. Then I go to my meeting with my advisor who already missed the previous meeting we had scheduled this week. I rushed over to the test and blanked completely. I fought off tears as I took it. After, I instant messenged Emma and shared my hopelessness and she did her best to console me but I was beyond help at that point. Determined to catch my advisor during office hours, I went back and found her. She apologized a number of times and I tried to lighten the mood by cracking a joke. It didnít go over well and she almost cancelled the meeting. We went over my sad folder, found some more mistakes, thanks UNH, and came up with a loose game plan for next semester. I was filled with hope for a second and I shared this with Emma who took offense to the fact that my advisor gave me hope when she could not. She was then too busy at work to chat with me. Sitting on a couch in the MUB with papers scattered around my migraine comes back and all I want to do is sleep but I canít because my mind is racing again. A thousand thoughts each second. The world is in slow-motion yet somehow I canít keep up. So I google ďconquering bipolarĒ and see what comes up this time. I get a bipolar doctorís symptoms of a manic episode and each one fits perfectly. I apologize to Emma but now her boss is using her computer and gets my message instead. Emma signs out and I wait for the phone to ring, it doesnít. I go outside for a cigarette and run into Nate. Nate is graduating this semester. I tell him Iím jealous. I tell him about my day. I tell him about my car accident and running from the police. I tell him I love my lawyer for keeping me out of jail and I tell him Iím sober for one full year in January. I canít stop talking but I have to because he has to go to the 100 club tonight. My eyes are watering and I canít focus but I have to keep moving so I try to write this down. Emma calls to tell me sheíll be late but she has no time to talk because sheís with her mother. I realize I havenít eaten or even had one cup of coffee but somehow Iím still standing, well, sitting now in the same seat I was at 9am. Itís 5:30 now and I have to go.