Dr. Paul Suess

Dr. Paul Suess's "5th Beatle"

There is a Beatle 5, but there almost was not. It was so long ago that I nearly forgot. There are also Beatle 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, But for these six additions the world had to wait.

There's a very good reason that I'll tell to you Why the Beatles nearly stopped after Beatle 3 and 4. When the 4 kids were born, they were sweet little tikes-- At least that is how the whole story takes flight.

But as they quickly grew and they started to walk, I'm afraid their behavior made everyone talk. And folks didn't say, "Look, What a sweet, gentle children," Because each of the beatles was a little bit wild then.

They were not really bad. They just liked to have fun. But the damage they did would undo anyone. They flew kites in the house as they ran down the hall, And they knocked all the pictures right off of the wall.

The result of their antics was always a mess, And that is the reason-- at least I would guess-- Why Brian Epstien probably said, "I think we'll quit having Beatles while we're ahead."

But as the time passed and their popularity grew, The Manager thought, "Why, we can't stop at 4. Though these sensations are mischievous and a tad funny, There is nothing so joyful as having more money."

But they searched and searched, and non met the bar, So then John said brians gone to far, So thats why theres 4 instead of a lot, Besides if there was more, they'd have to share pot!

"How heather stole all the attention" By Dr. Paul

Every Beatle
Down in London
Liked Paulie a lot...

But Heather,
Who lived with Paul McCartney,
Did NOT!
Heather hated Paulie! The whole Beatle guy!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows why.
It could be that her head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that her bra is to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her wallet was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason,
Her heart or her bra,
He stood there at his concert, hating the Hurra,
Staring down from her mansion with a sour, Ex Model
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For she knew every fan down in London bellow
Was busy now, fixing up quite a show.

"And they're singing their lungs out!" she snarled
with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is the Concert! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her manacured fingers nervously
"I MUST find a way to keep Paulie from coming!"
For, tomorrow, she knew...

...All the Fan girls and guys
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush there for there lives!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing she hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the fans, young and old, would sit down to a show.
And they'd cheer! And they'd cheer!
They would start on Small band, from a small town
Which was something Heather couldn't stand without a
huge frown!

They'd do something she liked least of all!
Every Fan down in London, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Blow horns and glow
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Fans would start

They'd sing! And they'd sing!
And the more Heather thought of the Whole concert thing
The more the witch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why for a couple of years I've put up with it now! "I MUST stop the concert from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" Ms. Mills Laughed in her
And she made a black cat suit and black coat.
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Lovely
"With this dark suit and this getup, I'll look just
like a spy flick!"

"All I need is Mission impossible CD..."
The witch looked around.
But since those are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old model...?
No! The girl simply said,
"If I can't find a CD, I'll make one instead!"
So she started her computer. Then she took some Blank
And she burned CD's while munching some cheese.

She loaded some bags
And some old empty sacks
in her nice limosien
And she hitched up more packs.

Then the witch said, "DRIVER!"
And the Limo started down
Toward the homes where the Fans
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Fans were all dreaming sweet dreams without
When he came to the first house in the square.
"This is stop number one," The old ex model hissed
And she climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight place.
But if Santa could do it, then so could the makeuped
face. She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little Fans Concert clothes all hung in a
"These Clothes," she grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unnice,
Around the whole room, and she took every thing that
would suffice!
Blow horns! And lighters! posters! and glow sticks!
money! money! Popcorn! And giant Paul pics!
And she stuffed them in bags. Then Heather, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then she slunk to the icebox. He took the Fans' feast!
She took the Pizza! He took all the cheese!
She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a Leper.
Why, that Girl even took their last can of Fan Dr. Pepper!

The she stuffed all the food up the chimney with A glad face.
"And NOW!" grinned Ms Mills, "I will stuff up the Bass!"

And the Girl grabbed the guitar, and she started to shove
When she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Fan!
Little Cindy-Lou, who was not more than two.

The Witch had been caught by this little Fan's daughter Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the lady and said, "Scary Lady, why,
"Why are you taking our Bass guitar? WHY?"

But, you know, that old model was so smart and so slick
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little brat," the fake smiling lady
"There's a string on this bass that won't play the
right tune.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

And her fib fooled the child. Then she swatted her head
And she got her a drink and she sent her to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou went to bed with her cup,
She went to the chimney and stuffed the bass up!

Then the last thing she took
Was the log for their fire.
Then she went up the chimney herself, the really old
On their walls she left nothing but tumbtakes, and
some pee in a puddle.

And the one speck of food
The she left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

She did the same thing
To the other Fans houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Fans' mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...
All the Fans, still a-bed
All the Fans, still a-snooze
When she packed up her sled,
Packed it up with their momentoes! The lighters! Their pot!!!!
The bags! And the glow sticks! The pictures! The posters!

Three tousand feet up! Up the side of her mansion,
She rode to the tiptop to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the Fans!" she was Mills-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Concert is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the Fans down in London will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned the witch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So she paused. And the Lady put a hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

she stared down at London!
Heather popped her eyes!
Then she shook!
What she saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Fan down in London, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any fan gear at all!
She HADN'T stopped the Concert from coming!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Heather Mills, with her Gucci Shoes ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
"It came without fan crap! It came without a Bass!
"It came without glow sticks, it came without pace!"
And she puzzled three minutes, `till her puzzler was sore.
Then the witch thought of something she hadn't before! "Maybe Concerts," she thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Concerts...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in London they say
That the witches small shoes
Grew three times as slippery that day!
And the minute her balance didn't feel quite so right, she whizzed with her load through the bright morning light
And she fell off the ROOF!!
And she...

Was forgetten like POOF