The secret Diary of Heather Mills.


02/23- Like, Hi! Paul got me this diary for "fun" he said. The old fart. I hate Paul, he's such a freak. He, like, is always telling me to sit up and wear a bra, well GOD! I'm not his precious Linda. Its Linda me this, Linda me that! I'm not some dumbass duchess or whatever. Now I can't eat steak or even talk about how dumb his kids are without Paul tearing up. Tomorrow, Paul and I (god I hate that) are going to go and visit Cocoa. I told him I love cocoa, but he said we where gonna visit Yoko. I said "Does that taste good to?" Then he told me to shut up. He does that alot. Geez. Dear God, Paul's calling me to his room. Says he's got his Walrus outfit on. What a sicko. Ttyl!

02/24- We went to Cocoa's today. Her son is Real cute, and so I made out with him behind Paul's back. Hhahahahaha! Yoko and Paul talked about their favorite band, The Beatles. They're like, obsessed with that band. I told Yoko about my land mine idea and she said that land mines arn't peace. Peace good, mines bad. She talks funny so I told her that. Paul shook his head and I said "What!? She does talk funny. And she's ugly too". Paulie apologized and we left. He said I ruined all relationship or somthing like that.

02/25- Paul and I went to A feild today. It wasn't ACTUALLY a feild, which I told Paul and he said to shut my trap. We went to this circle that said Imagine on it and he said this was made for his best friend. Paul can be such a blubber Baby when he talkes about his friend. He said that cocoa was his wife, So I said "I know why it says imagine! Imagin that she was pretty! You'd hafta to marry that lady." Paul told me to shut up again and that they should go home. I told hiim I was hungry so he said he give me some "dessert" when we got home. I think its one of his 60's sick jokes again. The things I go through.