Buried, but not forgotten OPINIONs
Financial
advisors tell old people to die
By Don Hellion
He speculated that in the last two weeks of December there will be a surge in euthanasia as people try to beat the deadline to make sure that their families get their wealth and not the government. This practice will be more prevalent among the wealthier people especially since they have more to lose.
There is some speculation that being a shrewd money manager George Stienbrenner may have decided to die when he did to protect his estate. Such an action would not be out of character for him since he is known to be unorthodox in his efforts to protect his wealth and by dying when he did he protected about $500 million from the tax increase.
As a result of this several financial advisers have put Dr. Jack Kervorkian on staff as an advisor. With many people wanting to protect their inheritance from taxes, it’s felt that there is a need to have somebody who can give advise on assisted suicide. The idea is that people who want to die before the estate taxes go into effect would like expert advise on the best ways to do so.
This trend has caused some concern. Some advisors worry that if too many people opt to die early that it will cause a dip in the number of customers available. A short term lift will be followed by a long term drop as the former customers now deceased will no longer be around to receive services.
Other groups are concerned that some people who use the early death option might not be doing so willingly. The concern is there will be ‘assisted’ suicides that might actually be murder as heirs decide that they want to keep what the consider to be theirs from being taken away by the government. A number of police departments in retirement communities are expanding their forensic departments in anticipation of a jump in murders that people try to disguise as assisted suicide the get the estate before the government can take it away from them.
Conservative and senior citizen groups are backing Republican Candidates in the hope of a change in the make-up of the congress that will prevent that from happening. The Democrats are countering that the Death tax is needed and besides the government deserves that wealth more than the descendants of the deceased. Why should the children of the wealthy be allowed to keep the wealth that their parents gathered when there are so many poor people who deserve that money?
Rivalry and losses make life all that more fun
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)
Well gee golly folks, I certainly am glad a soul crushing consolation prize like reality is no longer a problem for today’s little tykes. No sir, your young son and now daughter never have to fully understand the possible lessons they might learn from not being rewarded at every turn, because as long as they showed up, everyone deserves a prize. This ensures a future where no one’s feelings are ever hurt and all the bad things that make the world a scary place will simply disappear once they become outstanding adults.
Wait a second, you mean that the world we face as grown-ups still hasn’t become a 1950s sitcom since we started force feeding young minds with the lie that there’s no such thing as defeat? I’m shocked I tell you that the Beaver Cleaver mentality hasn’t caught on and that all students don’t graduate and that all professional athletes aren’t instantly champions at the end of each season.
Why surely if every team of kids is given a trophy and taken to McDonalds it will prepare them enough later on to all get equal paying careers. What do you mean that there’s no such thing as a place where competition isn’t brutal and resumes with no accomplishments get you the top spot in the company. It’s like there’s some kind of hint that you still have to work hard and sometimes be slightly better than average.
If that isn’t enough sarcasm for you stay tuned for the next column, but my biggest point here is that it is ok to admit that every day isn’t always the pinnacle moment of your life. I simply find it stunning when I hear how kids aren’t simply left to learn from losing and how parents can justify making it such a terrible thing.
Sure, you can be there to help them through struggles, but if children have to figure out how to improve how to actually do better after they’ve had a bad moment, it can be a heck of a lot more rewarding than making them happy at all costs. It’s a real world application that’s been abandoned all the way up to government where if you screw up and lose, all you have to do is wait until the next election to make the same mistake hoping you’ll get just enough dumb voters to push your agenda through. The proof is there because kids who have been raised with this we’re all winners philosophy only learn when to throw their next tantrum.
In the end, losing teaches us to form healthy rivalries and to overcome the mistakes that are ok to admit. Self esteem is important and bullies shouldn’t be encouraged, but sometimes learning something the hard way is the best way to get something done.
This leads me again to the old fact that governing bodies or even community groups don’t need to be involved in any part of the home decision making process. Advice is fine on a limited spectrum, but the quickest way we can make parenting go the worst route possible is to try and raise someone else’s child. My parents are proof positive guardians don’t need any help from anyone else putting the error in trial and error.
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