News
that belongs in the past
Easter Bunny
Based Doom To Be Averted
By Grey Entertainment
Continued from the first Apocalyptic
Epic: Grey
Goo.
Partnerships can be unusual things, duos especially.
Sonny and Cher, Clinton and Gore, Laurel and Hardy, and then there are the
funny ha-ha ones like Jobs and Gates and their attempts to avert Armageddon
because they want to be rich and lord it over us forever.
Well things just took a serious turn as Jobs and Gates’ efforts start
producing solid results, if in surprising areas.
Using Bill Gates’ secret telescope array along with Jobs’ taste
in high end lawn furniture they have found that the Easter Bunny may well
be the cause of the end of the world.
Believed fictional by many the telescope array (actually more of a network
spread across North America) picked up a number of temporal spatial disruptions
last Easter.
As much as that sounds like Star Trek dialogue the Santa Examination Unit
– a scientific body dedicated to explaining how Santa Claus does his
thing, have applied their theories to the situation and believe that the Easter
Bunny manages to traverse the planet to deliver chocolate, eggs and possibly
messages for a South American Leftist rebel group (The SEU has become increasingly
political over the years) by tearing open holes in the space time continuum.
Once a popular Santa related theory, no evidence has ever been found to support
it to date.
Sadly the theory indicates that these holes have a potential negative impact
on the stability of the planet, and with the increasing number of children
more are being opened.
With this in mind Bill Gates is determined to stop the Easter Bunny.
Eager to see the other half do something Steve Jobs is throwing support behind
this.
Bill Gates initially wanted to post an armed squad at every potential delivery
point around the globe, however that manpower is needed elsewhere as a small
conflict with Yetis started last week at after a disastrous diplomatic faux
pas when one of Steve Jobs’ assistants started eating her salad with
a dessert fork.
Gates has outlined backup plans, two using super science to collapse the distortions
safely, though potentially killing the Easter Bunny. These are deemed acceptable
risks as the rabbit has been so cavalier with the safety of the planet.
Sadly one plan also involves Bill Gates dressing up in a cowboy outfit with
two revolvers, or a hunting outfit with shotgun on Wednesdays, Thursdays and
alternating weekends, and chasing that “wascawy wabbit” wherever
he may go.
Nevertheless the Easter Bunny presents a clear and present danger in the minds
of those seeking to avert doomsday.
Sensing some doubt as to his abilities, Bill Gates has noted that while he
is leading this initiative he is not the primary. Instead operational lead
has fallen to a number of experts, such as the SEU and the Dog Whisperer,
who wants to remain otherwise unnamed for some reason, and his cousin, the
Rabbit Shouter, who has been responsible for the elimination of the Canadian
Fighting Rabbit incursion in Mexico.
So as of this Easter we will all be saved from this potential fate by the
efforts of Bill Gates.
Previous News:
Open Call for Aflec Duck.
1031 B.C. - 2010 A.D., Really Pathetic, LLC.
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