Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 4/17/05
Lance Armstrong The Musical II
By Grey Entertainment
When Olympic class cyclist Lance Armstrong announced his intention to
write, direct and star in his own off Broadway musical last year no one
paid the least bit of attention.
Partially this was due to the unreasoning fear that any sort of attention
would lead to a repeat of the disaster known in the entertainment industry
as “Wayne Gretsky and The Four Slots”. Another part of it was due to the
fact that no athlete has ever produced anything remotely entertaining
outside of a courtroom, and that trend is itself dying down.
Somehow, against all odds, “Lance Armstrong The Musical”, as mundane a
title as possible, managed to gain public attention, even accolades. How
no one can figure out.
Mark Hamill, known world wide as Luke Skywalker, lesser known as one of
the better stage acting talents of our time turned down the role as Barkey
the Cat, ever desperate for attention Shakira refused to play the part
of Mina, the sassy oncologist, and Vanilla Ice turned down the part of
Humphrey the oversized Banana and Raspberry Muffin on the mistaken belief
he could do better.
Now, everyone except Mark Hamill is regretting their decision.
Somehow, against all odds, predictions and a promise by three nether worldly
powers Lance Armstrong is now a critically successful director, stage
actor and writer. The overall reaction is best described as hostile, as
many other directors, actors and writers, especially those connected with
the stage. No one can understand in the slightest how someone like Lance
Armstrong, a superlative athlete certainly, can possibly make this much
of a sudden success on stage.
Surrounded by rumours of pacts with Devils, Donald Trump and even the
Ghost of Frank Sinatra no one has dared confront Armstrong, fearing his
Dark Allies retribution.
Meanwhile other notable athletes are attempting to repeat the “Armstrong
Trick” as it has become known.
Expectations are high that Tiger Woods, who has been most obscure for
the last three years, will succeed, as his ambitions are somewhat more
subdued, expecting only to write the dialogue and the score for his production:
“Tiger Woods: My Way or the Highway”.
With so many Hockey Players looking for something to do, who would normally
be playing hockey this time of year, there are rumours of a new ice show,
featuring the most likely players to have been in the Stanley Cup.
According to rumours there would be acrobatics, fighting, music, slugging,
puck related tricks, bashing and perhaps even a little smashing.
Unfortunately this production may be held back, for although the bulk
of the players are Russian, a significant number are Canadian, and no
one knows how to speak Canadian.