Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 4/10/05


British Reintroduce Live Target Shooting
By Grey Sports

With fox hunting coming under constant protest by animal rights organisations the upper class in England re searching for other ways to maintain the old traditions without calling in more protests.
To date several strategies have been attempted, the most popular, in that it causes the least protests, is to have fox scent placed upon a rag with is then hidden in a field.
Whilst this and several other solutions have lessened the protests to little more than token nuts who think humans should not use animals in any sense, it has taken most of the thrill out of the sport.
A solution actually lay within the distant past of England. It turns out that fox hunting is the descendant of a sport wherein a landlord could legally hunt down tenants if they breached English, Godís or the landlordís own laws. This practice only stopped when the population of foxes started outnumbering tenants for various and sundry reasons. At which point it was decided that since the foxes were more cunning it was actually more fun to hunt the animals than the people.
Now, after a few trial hunts it has been found that no one really protests the hunting of humans. The animal rights groups are complaining rather than protesting because one of their steady sources of media time has dropped off, and Amnesty International, while offering a few token objections, is more concerned with Canadaís recent decision to legalise cannibalism. Besides which no one cares what happens to people in a sport where they are not actually killed, just wounded enough so that they do not run away.
The aristocracy that enjoys foxhunting is still not entirely happy, people are still not as cunning or energetic as foxes, however that means their unions are also not as cunning, leading to a noticeable decrease in expenses and medical bills.
Additionally a few personalities are showing up as being slightly more difficult, or at least slightly more interesting to hunt than a few others.
Whilst it is early days promoters are hoping that this is their big chance at something majorly legitimate. By promoting these personalities they hope to create an English equivalent to professional wrestling.
While initial revenue would be slim it is believed that even the upper class that enjoys this sport would not mind to the events being televised in return for some added income.
Many speculate the a proposed Education Bill going before the British Parliament is intended to improve the quality of the prey than improve education standards. However if it leads to a noticeable decrease in unemployment it is likely that no one will mind much.




 

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©