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Wisdom From the Editor

Yup, there was no sports coverage for the week of 2/8/10


Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

The oddities that follow me
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)

This Article also published at The Pauls Valley Daily Democrat


In my previously untelevised adventure I mentioned that I had a knack for ending up in places not of my original intention. The other side to this strange journey not even traceable on Google Maps is that everywhere Iíve been the past five years has been accompanied by a string of oddities.
Granted my unique sense of humor may be enough to confuse anyone still working on their first knock knock joke, but it amazes me what Iíve discovered thatís happened each time Iíve found a new place to set up shop. These are things that may appear to be everyday on the surface, but with my keen interpretation a whole new world. Iím talking about strange laws, a growing home zoo and the weather.
Every community has a collection of rules that allow in occasionally something even Barney Fife might find confusing. Oklahoma is no exception and I might as well start with the lack of vehicle inspection stickers.
Sure, I can see how most people can perfectly operate and maintain an automobile without someone annually looking under the hood, but after witnessing vehicles that make my 1988 van look like something fresh off the line in states like New Mexico and Arkansas, Iím not gaining any more faith in my fellow human beings. Yet, I suppose charging ridiculous fees for someone buying just plates or state tags automatically convinces the less than responsible to not be a danger on the roads. Just hand me that roll of duct tape and that muffler should make it another 50 yards.
Other strange legal practices in Oklahoma Iíve found so far are that you cannot purchase prescription eyewear in a retail store and that you have to take your fridge with you when you move. I guess itís going to take me a while to understand how I should be able to sleep better at night knowing that I get to pay more to see and no fridge will be left unloved within state lines.
If not being able to take your prescription to be honored at a Wal-Mart in rural America isnít a grand effort of lobbying success then I canít think of a better example. I suppose itís all to prevent a Maytag or Whirlpool unit from sneaking out of a rent house and stealing glass lenses to find out theyíre being exchanged for a more energy efficient model. Seeing-eye-dogs are a dime a dozen anyways, right?
Speaking of animal friends, I seem to only add to the number of pets each and every time I get comfortable in a new setting. Iím not kidding on this one because I got a cat in New Mexico, another cat in Arkansas, a dog as well as six chickens in Mississippi and this was added to a few animals I had before I even left my home town.
Iím beginning to think thereís some sort of strange small creature conspiracy to keep me constantly with a water bowl in one hand and a bag of feed in another. Sometimes I even look longingly at the bags of food my critters are munching on and think Iím the one with the lousy diet here. Any more additions and I may be sharing the coup with the rooster.
Finally, I just canít seem to escape some of the weirdest patterns of weather no matter the climate Iím supposed to be residing. Itís certainly got a lot to do with water, being that Iím dealing with much more than what is supposed to be falling, frozen or thawed.
Iíve seen a foot of snow in the desserts of New Mexico and now two ďnot usualĒ winter blasts in Oklahoma and either the residents here are getting a good laugh at my expense or someone somewhere thinks Iíve not got enough irony in the past decade. I may just lose what hold on reality I have left if the rain tries to beat the precipitation experience I had in Mississippi in 2009. If these oddities keep progressing I may have no noodle by the time the Okie Noodling Contest comes around.

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