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| Past Sports from the past week. Past sports article for the week of 12/8/09 New Wave of Violence in Afghanistan But it is Sports so it is OK By Grey Sports In a misguided attempt to make Afghanistan known for something other than violence, drugs and election fraud the world media is attempting to highlight local sports, much in the same way Florida’s reputation has been saved. The problem being that the most popular local sport is Buskashi, a game where players ride horses and knock a stuffed goat carcass around a field. There are few rules and a number of deaths in any given match, and Afghani entrepreneurs are seeking to make this a worldwide sport, possibly taking it to the Olympic level. If this were to happen Buskashi would officially become the world’s most violent sport. Hockey, currently the world’s foremost sport for violence, having stolen it from boxing as boxing stole it from water polo before, has vowed to include new rules for more bloodletting, more eye gouging, and more one on one duels to the death just to maintain the title. Rules are even being drawn up to allow arson and on field poisoning after it was found out that soccer, wanting to be violent on an international stage rather than just in England, was looking include these as rules. As Buskashi is a no rules affair it seems that someone missed a memo. All the same every manager, player and coach in hockey is determined to ensure their sport remains the most violent. To this end fans are getting in on the game, offering to throw their drinks, snacks, chairs, knives, razor blades, other spectators, their own children, livestock, and vegetables onto the rink just to increase the amount of blood flowing. Meanwhile boxing is looking to reclaim its title as most violent sport, but rather than altering rules outright boxing officials claim to be turning to technology to solve their problems with the violence levels of their sport. While gloves containing horse shoes are nothing new, boxing gloves wrapped in barbed wire or rocket launched fists could successfully add that new dimension to boxing to make it the world’s most violent sport. The unfortunate thing is it may lead to an increased number of debilitating injuries, and not everyone’s face is as indestructible as Mike Tyson’s. And replacing athletes is the problem most other sports will have to contend with. Buskashi requires no training, some dumb sap can just be put on a horse and pointed in the general direction of the stuffed goat carcass. Hockey will always have a steady stream of Russians and Canadians wanting to make it big, but most other sports will simply not be able to replace fatalities fast enough, unless someone was going to do something crazy like clone a batch of Tiger Woods. |
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