Past Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 9/28/08
Cadaver Tic Tac Toe all the Rage in Europe
By Puns McKenna
Everyone’s always open to trying new games, right? We all want that next awesome thing to come along. Well how about the all new morbid sport, Cadaver Tic-Tac-Toe? Interested in learning how to play? Well people in European countries are eager to share their morbid fascination with the world.
It’s a simple game really. Almost like playing spin the bottle in high school. The playing field is always in excellent condition, and the tools of the game can be found in your garden shed. All you need is a shovel or a spade and a flashlight for the dark. The rules are so easy, a child of three could follow them, and we all know how hard it is to get a three-year-old to follow any kind of rules. Let’s get to the heart of the game that is sweeping across Europe like the plague.
First rule of the game: Always play at night. If you play during the day, you’re gonna get thrown in the Tower.
Second rule of the game: Bring your own playing tools; A shovel or a spade, a flashlight with good batteries, and two colors of glow in the dark paint.
Third rule of the game: Keep in shape so you can reap the rewards.
Fourth rule of the game: Mark off a grid of nine headstones in the flattest part of your local cemetery. You can use chalk, rope, spray paint, bones, pretty much anything you can think of.
Fifth rule of the game: Flip a coin to see who goes first. The first person picks their grave and begins digging. Once the digger has his the casket, they stand it upright in the hole and mark it with their paint. If they’re adventurous enough they can pry open the casket and see what or who is inside, but that’s really a personal choice.
The first person to completely dig up three caskets in a horizontal, vertical, or diagonal line wins. Their prize, you ask? All the loot they can filch from the dug up caskets. Afterall, the dead don’t need their jewels do they? Nah!
Now it would really make one wonder why this game was such a craze if it started anywhere else in the world. But not in Europe, right? We all know just how wacky those folks are, and just how many cemeteries they have. They’ve been around longer.
Ah now, who was it really that came up with this bizarre game? Glad you
asked. You’d think on initial mention of the game and its rules that this
would have been thought up by the Goth’s in their society. Well, you’d
be wrong! Yeah, no kidding, it wasn’t the Goth populace that thought up
this morbid travesty. No, in fact, it was a group of bored barristers
in London. I guess they got tired of chasing the killers and decided it
would be more fun to play with the bodies.
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