Past Sports

 

 

Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 4/29/08


Rumble in the Arctic: Enter Greenpeace
By Grey Sports (Continued from Episode 5)


Outraged by the multinational decision to host a race to see who controls the untold wealth of mineral resources under the arctic ice cap, something that could become increasingly vital as the ice shelf recedes due to environmental changes triggered by unchecked exploitation of mineral resources in easy to access locations, the international environmental group Greenpeace has announced it is going to enter the race with the aim of winning and barring any exploitation that will only lead to greater environmental damage.
Unfortunately for Greenpeace the rules are abnormally clear in one regard, and that is the stipulation that only nations may enter.
As a multinational organisation Greenpeace has no single place to call home, let alone qualify as a national organisation, and is less of a nationality or religion than Jedi, according to the latest census results.
Greenpeace is fighting this decision in every way possible, as itís multitudes of personalities and factions, fostered in a foolish attempt to employ individuality in the decision making process, each try their own way to get around the rules.
One significant portion is trying to enter the race anyway, determined to use green energy sources, environmentally friendly building materials and probably fit in a panda somewhere along the line.
One faction claims that their home nation should be Antarctica, because no one else has claimed full sovereignty over it, and the most frequent response Greenpeace members handing out flyers and trying to gather signatures receive is to ďmove to the most isolated part of the world and stay thereĒ.
None of these are flying because no one wants to give greater legitimacy to a group that, however weird and limp, may conceivably win and deny the others their prize. At least you can negotiate with greedy winners.
Then there are the self-described warmongering doves. As a theoretically pacifist organisation Greenpeace doesnít believe in violence, but this faction is perfectly willing to go out and conquer some poor unsuspecting (and boy will it be unsuspecting) nation to call itís own.
This is predicted to go very badly for the warmongering doves, as they, much like the rest of Greenpeace, are a bunch of hemp wearing (and other uses), long haired, sandaled hippies with all the upper body strength of Nicole Ritchie and the combat capabilities of the Guatemalan state washing machine company, which fought itís last battle against the French and drew.
The warmongering doveís main claim to aggression is that they scowl more often, not just when you litter.
Of course what they donít seem to realise is that the prime reason to have a nation is to provide a southernmost point to employ as a starting position, something only to warmongering doves can possibly provide if they can find someone wimpier than themselves to push over.

 

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