Past Sports from the
Past sports article for the week of
OJ Simpson Trying to Get Back on
the Sporting Saddle
By, Grey Sports
One thing youíve got to give former footballer, former actor, former
daytime courtroom drama pioneer, former married man, former murder suspect,
former ghost written author, former figure skating champion, former free
style sushi chef, former American Idol contestant, former winery owner,
former fund raising strategist for John Kerry, former Beach Boys substitute
drummer, former boyfriend to Paris Hilton, OJ Simpson is that he doesnít
give up. Ever. Dammit.
Even before the book furore had started Simpson had been planning a major
comeback for 2007, launching a multiple front attempt to regain his beloved
Movies were out, the Naked Gun series has been discontinued as much for
featuring Simpson as the fact that Priscilla Presley is no longer attractive
enough after her latest face tightening.
As various experimental careers have also failed him in the past decade
Simpson has started looking back to his old successes, first considering
movies and television, specifically comedy since no one is taking him
seriously anymore, especially after the American Idol attempt where his
wig kept slipping.
Besides which OJ Simpson jokes are still going strong, and Simpson himself
simply isnít funny enough to surpass these works.
This has left football.
Donít try and tell me the sport hasnít died a little because of the attempt.
The worst part is heís being taken seriously by lower end major teams
desperately seeking a boost in publicity. Any boost in publicity.
Despite being nearly sixty Simpson has apparently tested out successfully
into the offensive team of an as yet undisclosed San Francisco team. Apparently
the publicity is going to be gained in a shock announcement at his first
game, which may be held off for some time as tension and anger build,
leading to a marked increase in attendance at San Francisco games in general
as the curious, the furious and the depraved attend hoping to see Simpson
and, I donít know, maul him or something.
Thankfully this has not turned into a full blown trend among football
teams, unlike the hiring of special celebrity guest stars which ended
badly when Chris Rock was used sliced in half by a particularly forceful
All the same the Menendez brothers are supposedly in negotiations with
a Seattle based team while an as yet unnamed team is considering its options
with Bowling Bay Bob.
By all accounts Simpson is happy with his deal, it allows him the attention
he graves, a sizable income and possibly a modicum of respect, though
from who Iím at a loss to tell.
Football however may have lost a degree of respect similar to that lost
by books around the world when it was announced that OJ had written one.
With OJís first game of the century due any day now everyone waits and
watches with all the eagerness of automotive accident bystanders, eager
to see what role an El Dorado will take in this latest attempt to flee