Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 6/26/06
Russian Oriented Regulations Proposed for
Next Stanley Cup
By, Grey Sports
Even as another Stanley Cup result is achieved, certain shadowy figures
within the world of ice hockey seem intent on kicking the legs out from
under the sport.
New regulations to limit the number of foreign players, something that
could even affect naturalized citizens, in ice hockey are up for consideration.
The gist of the new rules would be to limit the number of players from
outside of the state play for teams, phrasing that skirts the edge of
being racist and could still be challenged in court if enough teams get
However the willingness of certain forces to ignore player based outrage
for years at a time is legendary, it is quite possible that they will
be willing to hold out against people who’s violent tendencies prevent
them from operating in a nonhockey environment.
The effects on the sport could be devastating for the US, whose teams
are approximately forty percent Canadian and fifty five percent Russian.
Native-born Americans make up less than four percent of the total professional
While teams such as Tampa Bay could be gutted anyone operating out of
Hawaii would be destroyed.
Commentators wonder if this is some sort of conspiracy to allow for the
dominance of Canadian teams in the future, this would not be the first
such attempt, the most famous was the “Maple Leaf” incident in 1978 that
resulted in the death of four team mascots and an unspecified number of
Other believe it is a plot aimed directly at Russia, who would lose a
great deal of income as Russian players are swiftly banned and unable
to send money home.
Additionally there are several die hard anticommunists within ice hockey
who are adamant that “The commies are just lulling us into a false sense
of security. The first chance they get the Berlin Wall will rise up and
the Iron Curtain will come down and then where will ice hockey be?”
Of course, such mad ramblings could be a deliberate attempt to draw attention
away from the real culprit, Alaska.
The Freak State of the US (Hawaii being far more acceptable given it’s
sunnier disposition) has long been jealous of its fellow states and is
the only one capable of maintaining a native heavy team of any credibility.
For now hockey teams vow to fight against the proposed rules, though contingency
plans are in place, including bringing Russian couples over for the birthing,
indeed the conceiving if need be, of their child to ensure at least duel
This hit and miss approach would be expensive, and this approach to athletics
strongly mirrors recent German attempts to breed chiefs of quality who
can cook something without relying on various sausages by putting most
of their natal units in places such as Paris, India and even Mexico City.
Hope now resides in common sense, which never works; the outrage of the
players, which is constant and ignored; and a rather large bribe to be
delivered at a specified time and location should anyone ask for it.