Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 6/9/06
Hot Shot Wins Road Racing
Road racing is the more legal alternative to street racing, a sport once
again made popular by that new The Fast and the Furious movie (“Too low
budget to get the original cast, so we moved it to Tokyo” or whatever
they call it). Barring movies that nobody wants to see, it has made auto
sports more interesting once again.
In particular, the last few weeks over here in Monaco have been somewhat
astounding, partially because, well, hey, it's a small country, and partially
because some of the drivers have barely reached puberty. When asked just
how they could drive so well, the shocking truth was revealed. They weren't.
It seems that the planet of Speed just was not enough for those few Autobots
who's minds revolve around racing, or those who have tagged along since
the 80's and thus never heard of Speed. They are, however, fond of the
planet Junk and Weird Al for some reason. When asked why they competed,
they simply said you had to dare to be stupid, and seemed determined to
show who was the fastest of them all.
One can only hope terrorism on behalf of the Decepticons were the reason
half the racers mysteriously blew up, with the drivers being able to bail
out in perfect time not to turn into mush, and why a blue and red truck
identified as Optimus Prime slammed through a building, but we at RPP
have not yet managed to find out if this was true.
Exactly how Bumblebee managed a 4th place is anyone's guess. My bet would
be that he is awesome and did not have to focus on fighting what may or
may not have been a Decepticon attack.
That, or Bumblebee is one souped up little Beetle!
Mirage, who was barely allowed to race due to Formula 1 cars not exactly
being considered street racers, a problem he bypassed by simply being
invisible large parts of the race, managed a still disappointing third
place. I am sure I heard him mutter something about how he would be faster
back home, but somehow I doubt it.
Override, fastest racer on her home planet of Speed, simply seemed to
be too amazed by the pretty sights of Monaco to actually put up much of
a fight. Either that or it could have been the fact that her tires slipped
and she crashed straight into a house.
The ultimate winner of the contest, instead, turned out to be Hot Shot,
driven by some little punk with the most annoying voice I have ever heard.
The weirdness of seeing a car appear to gloat over another car about being
the “fastest in the universe” is surely a strange sight. Nevertheless,
I am happy for the thing, being faster than most, and certainly wanting
to prove it.
We have been unable to reach the Stunticons for comments on the racing,
or non-Transformers fans for their opinion on who ACTUALLY should have
won, but, such is life. At least when you find it more important to suck
up to a yellow Volkswagen so he will take you for a spin than to bother
with actual journalism.