Sports from the past week.
Past sports article for the week of 10/17/05
Gary Coleman suits up for Football
By, Grey Sports
What many consider to be the first truly positive development in former
child star Gary Coleman’s career in the last fifteen years has come to
fruition today as he signed a contract with The Green Bay Packers to act
as their personalized football.
Full details of the agreement have yet to be released, though it is understood
that this deal is provisional, with Coleman confirmed only for practice
sessions and the first three games of next season. Based upon his performance
in these trials the deal may become permanent, signaling a long awaited
comeback for one of the worlds most notorious sitcom stars since Mr Ed’s
unfortunate foray into children’s films.
Sources close to Coleman state that the idea came from fellow child star
and successful rebound case, Danny Bonnaducci, who’s radio career was
launched on the back of a three year stint as a special guest steering
wheel at the Indianapolis Speedway.
The Green Bay Packers also stand to gain in this deal, they hope that
some consistent performance combined with a little extra effort on the
part of the ball will improve averages.
Opposing teams need not worry as Coleman is required to remain neutral,
expending his energies equally for all participating teams, as mandated
when Dennis Quaid acted as ball during the home games for the LA Lakers
for one season.
Critics claim that this action could easily backfire on Coleman, for while
this does cater to his shorter stature it fails to distance any success
he makes form his height. As this is what has consistently handicapped
the majority of his ventures to date becoming a football seems to be a
Additionally there is a chance that this will turn into a sporting disaster.
Everyone remembers Roseanne Barr-Arnold-Fortensky-Hefner-Gluck’s fateful
impression on the sporting world. And then there was her singing!
Working in Coleman’s favor is the general high quality of work most actors
have given the sports world. For every Roseanne, Andy Kaufmann or Christian
Slater that brings a sport to a new low there are two Adam Sandler’s,
three Bette Middlers or even two and a half Leonard Nimoy’s.
In a strange way sport is the opposite of music.
At any rate both the Packers and Coleman may have simply found what they
are looking for. The Packers receive that extra little edge all teams
feel they need, while Coleman finally gets exposure outside of his old
show and courtrooms.
The long-term complications will eventually kill this arrangement, both
Gary Coleman and the Green Bay Packers are known for their temperamental
manner and showboating, indeed, harsher critics have wondered why Coleman
was not picked for the mascot position.
However both sides are only in this for the short-term gains, which is
only fitting for even Coleman, known as “The Toughest Black Man in America”
for beating both Mr T and Samuel L Jackson in a cage match in 1999, can
take only so much punishment.