Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 9/20/05


Swords Made Legal In British Soccer
By, Grey Sports

An announcement by the British Footballing League today settled a debate that had fans in an uproar when they decided to allow the use of swords in matches.
Though this ruling applies to games on English soil only the international community is agitated at the prospect of facing heavily armed English teams. Even if they were to allow their teams the use of swords most internationals fear that they are already losing an arms race, as the years it would take to change their codes would give English, Scottish and Welsh teams the opportunity to hone their skills.
The move pleases Mothers Against Idle Doings, or MAIDs, who have long complained of seeing so many grown men with nothing to do with their hands, leading to all sorts of lewd allusions.
Initially the League tried to ignore the whinings of MAIDs, saying that this sport was their business and they would not be dictated to.
Even now officials claim this is not an indication that they are caving in to MAID demands, instead selling this as a means of adding more action and bloodshed, which polls indicate the fans want anyway.
Indeed, international football star David Beckham has applauded the move, stating that this may well encourage more English born players to play for English teams.
Traditionalists who oppose both the plans for swords and the increasing number of British players in overseas teams see the newfound expertise and yet another reason for rich international teams to siphon off good British talent.
Only Japan seems eager to change their regulations without turning to British talent. This has caused a great deal of excitement among historical communities that wish to see samurai swords up against weapons of European manufacture.
Though most expect the Asian weapons to be superior that may not matter in a close in battle.
These sorts of discussions have lead a to great deal of speculation on what other weapons may be allowable in the future. Cutlasses seem to be a favorite expected from the Caribbean nations, while axes, spears and even more ancient devices are expected from European and African nations.
Unfortunately this may push the US and other, younger nations further away from the sport, as they do not have the same weapons traditions to draw on.
Some have wondered if guns would be appropriate for the United States as it is the nearest thing they have to a traditional weapon form. US fans seem enthusiastic so far, though many are concerned that this may add to the American stereotype.
At any rate the formerly sidelined makers of ancient weapons in Europe are facing a boom in business as an arms race begins among British Soccer teams.


 

 

 




 

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005