Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 9/12/05

Annual Competitive Mugging Results Unsurprising
By, Grey Sports

The season’s end of the Mugging League has been somewhat lackluster, keeping in tradition for the year, unfortunately.
The Williams vs. Marposa match which started the year, ostensibly promising a bitter battle between two veterans, was probably the first blow suffered by the sport. Toby Williams managed a superb start, offering an interesting simultaneous mugging of two people who were around the corner of each other. However he failed to capitalize on this later in the year, managing nothing more than the standard fare of single muggings, robbing couples and dark alley stalkings.
It is Zak Marposa’s fate that is perhaps the most disappointing, taken out early in a carjacking gone wrong. No one expected the victim to panic and close his window on Marposa’s favorite gun arm and attempt to flee like that. Doctors state that Marposa will heal, though will be threatening with his left from now on.
Similarly the supposed heated battle of the personalities between spry newcomer Poloy Radonovich and determined ten-year veteran Gus Worrell came to nothing when they both attempted to mug the same person at the same time. While this could have turned into an epic battle of wills, threats and tough talk the likes of which has not been seen since Janko vs. Oleg in the ’93 heat, it was not to be. The rivalry that has seemed so epic once upon a time devolved into petty name calling, squealing and general childishness not even dignified by bad mouthing.
In the end the victim quietly backed away while the most immature match of rock, paper, scissors failed to solve the issue.
To be fair it has not simply been the athletes at fault, it has been a year cursed by injuries, ranging from the minor afflictions of some of the top stars to freak incidents threatening to spark scandal among some of the more talented green recruits.
The attempted gunning down of Eliza Montega does appear to be nothing more than gang related, as the women’s top seed professed from the beginning. Meanwhile Poppa Lin has announced that he will be back in the game next year even if he is still in a wheelchair.
The seven-car pile up that nearly claimed the lives of three promising upcoming muggers is still under investigation. Two are back on their feet, though not soon enough to improve their previous standing, while the third is still presently in a coma.
Yenni Vicks and Jacob Springs, the two survivors, have managed to sign up a spokesman deal for various safety concerns after crediting airbags, side reinforcements and four point safety belts in the vehicles they were driving for saving their lives.
Perhaps the worst news is that sponsors are beginning to make noises about taking their business elsewhere, possibly even investing in Breaking and Entering.
Whatever hope there is rests in the promises made by promoters for the New Year, which so far ring hollow due to a lack of poodles with pockets.