Past Opinion

Past opinion article for the week of 1/16/10

Holiday Rush (Better late than never, right?)
By, Puns McKenna
So here it is the weekend before Christmas and you've not done any of your shopping. You've been putting it off for one reason or another, but now you're almost to the eleventh hour. It's cold, it's snowy, and you just don't want to have to deal with all that holiday traffic. So what are you going to do? Are you going to serf the Internet looking for that perfect item for your boss' favorite niece's favorite uncle? Heck no! You're going to bundle up against the cold and brave the wild and wooly traffic. You're going to hunt through your favorite stores to find that almost perfect gift.

Now you've already taken an hour winding that long scarf that was a gift from your boss' favorite niece's favorite uncle around your neck. Only it isn't just around your neck. It's somehow managed to wrap around your neck…your arm… and your left leg. You find this darned inconvenient so you uncoil the cloth snake and start all over again. By the time you get it right, it's been four hours and you are tired. The sun has skated across the sky towards the horizon, and there's only a half an hour of daylight left. You won't be intimidated by some ginormous gas-bag, so you shove your arms into your winter parka and trudge out the door into the twilight snow.

You get to the store and right in front of the doors you slip on a huge patch of black ice. You're mostly unhurt, except your rump where you landed. You start screaming about a lawsuit, however, unless they give you some really outrageous storewide discount as compensation. You kind of smile to yourself as the manager scurries around in a panic shouting to everyone to give you whatever you want. After being helped up, you limp your way through the store picking this and that off the shelves. Once you've bought everything else you want, more than just Christmas gifts it turns out, you find yourself staring at two different gifts. Torn between the two, you stare at the price tags.

A helpful clerk gives you a sunny smile and asks if he can assist you. You point out the watch your looking at and the tie right next to it, telling him you're town between the two. The watch, he tells you is more expensive but he can make you a deal. The gears in your head begin turning again as you recall the manager's words, and you return the employee's smile. What kind of a deal can you get on a watch like that? Well according to this clerk, today you can get the watch for the price of the tie. Your sly little mind hard at work, you immediately jump on the offer. The clerk takes the watch and rings it up. The ringing doesn't stop even as the clerk stops pushing buttons. Suddenly, your eyes pop open and you're staring at the drab ceiling in your bedroom, a smirk dying on your lips.

Let this be a lesson to those who wait till the last minute to shop. Sometimes, the only place fortune smiles that brightly, is in your dreams. Have a safe and merry holiday, and we'll see you in the New Year.

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