Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 8/29/09

Obama administration is considering turning to Bernard Madoff for financial advice
By Don Hellion

Alarmed at the difficulty of convincing the American public that the health care plan they are putting forward will save money, Obama administration officials are considering turning to Madoff for advice.

An unnamed administration source speaking on conditions of anonymity confirmed that they have been considering turning to Madoff. As he put it, anybody who could bilk people out of hundreds of billions of dollars with his ponzi scheme for well over a decade should be able to fool people into believing that going to a government run health care system will save money.

All they have to do is keep people believing that they are saving money until 2013 and then Obama does not have to worry because he’ll have been elected to his second term and it will be too late. The deed will be done and nobody will be able to do anything. And he will be in his second term and won’t have to worry about being re-elected.

One problem that has to be dealt with is that Madoff is currently serving a One hundred and fifty year term in Federal prison and is not well disposed to helping the government. An immediate pardon is out because if released now Obama would likely not be re-elected so any pardon would have to wait for 2013. The problem is Madoff wants to be pardoned first. He knows all too well how the left works and is afraid that if he helps them before release, he’ll be kicked under the bus and left to rot in prison.

One idea that is being considered is finding a body double to take Madoff’s place and make it look like he’s still in prison. They surgically alter his looks and give him a new identity so he can be secretly released and the public will be none the wiser. The problem with that idea is that he will also have to be kept away from his family so that people won’t see them together and figure out the truth. One possible solution to that problem would be to fake his family’s death and hide them too.

The problem with that though is there are assets that would have to be moved with them or replaced.

The job of finding solutions for those problems has been handed over to Bill Clinton who has shown considerable skills in the past hiding inconvenient truths. Clinton is no slouch when it comes to hiding illegal activities until it’s too late to do anything about them.

There is a sense of urgency to getting this done because the public is rapidly finding out the truth and if they don’t find a way to stop that it will be too late to save the program and a lot of potential government bureaucratic jobs will be lost.

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