Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 5/5/09

WAHHHHHH, Politics ruined my holiday heroes!!
By Puns McKenna
“I want my Easter Bunny to be Non-Partisan!”

How many people in the US expected to hear that after this year’s Easter celebration at the White House? Not many, I’m betting. Everywhere you look people are complaining that the Bunny was a Republican and others are complaining that he was a Democrat. This petty arguing does bring up one good question, though. Is the Big E. a politically active rabbit?

To be perfectly honest, I doubt it. I mean, the Big E. has been around for darned near forever, much longer than organized politics as we know it, and his goals are to make people happy. I suppose his job is a little more difficult since he’s supposed to be non-religious these days. I mean everyone must be politically correct when it comes to holidays, though.

Look at Christmas. Yes, I said, Christmas, not X-mas. You’ve no idea how big a pet peeve that one is. Old Saint Nick has to be Santa the toy man, because it isn’t politically correct to call it Christmas. Politicians don’t want to offend anyone with the Pagan festival of Christ’s birth. I suppose next we’re going to be seeing Saint Nicholas in a three piece Armani suit, because PETA was offended by his red velvet and white fur.

That’s just a couple of examples, though. I mean we all know how Valentines has become the “everybody loves one another” holiday. From the lowliest worker to the richest politicians in the world, we see everyone “making love not war” on Valentines Day. Then of course there’s Thanksgiving. Could you imagine if King Henry II or Queen Isabella had sat down at the table with the Indians and Pilgrims? I’m sure it would have turned into huge fiasco of “yes your highness and no, your magesty.” Nevermind that the Turkey has been a symbol of our political freedoms since, oh I don’t know, 1776 when our great nation separated from good old King Georgie Porgie.

As it stands today, nearly every major, minor, and made up holiday is just another photo op for those wily politico’s we have heading our country. Seems to me that all the holidays are getting just a little to politicized these days. Life was so much nicer before the Separation of Church and State got ignored.

Obama administration is considering a ban on tea!

By, Don Hellion

After the large numbers of Tea Party protests on April 15 and the large amount of people that attended them, the Obama administration as well as the DNC became alarmed. They did some brain storming and decided that since Obama is the messiah it could not possibly be his idea. The Democrats have a majority so they must be correct and it’s patriotic to pay taxes… Joe Biden said so. That means the problem must be something it the tea. That being the case, the obvious solution is to ban tea. No tea no tea parties… problem solved.

Obama spokesman David Axelrod stated that they are concerned that these Tea Parties could turn into something dangerous. While not stating exactly what it was he feared it’s pretty clear he’s referring to a movement to vote Democrats out of office before they are able to finish revamping the country’s economic system to socialism.

Harry Reed and Nancy Pelosi are particularly concerned since the Senate and Congress are liable to be particular targets if the Tea Party movement continues to grow and since they cannot be wrong, being smarter than everybody else, it MUST be the tea. So there is a strong incentive to ban it before more people are corrupted and they lose their power to the unwashed masses. The American people are too stupid to understand that the Democrats are needed to run their lives. If they don’t move fast then all is lost and people will be doing stupid things by getting rich starting their own businesses and listening to talk radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Shaun Hannitty and Mark Levin when they should be watching CNN and MSNBC and they will be marrying mates of the opposite gender instead of same sex marriages. This would be intolerable.

At this time they are trying to figure out how to convince the people that Tea is dangerous and must be banned. Among the ideas that are being considered is linking it to insanity. After all if they want to have taxes lowered and refuse to share their wealth they have to be insane. Like they must know the government knows better how to spend their money than they do. The horror of people left on their own, wasting their money on guns and big cars and SUVs and hamburgers when they should be eating tofu and lettuce is almost unbearable.

Jack Mertha and Barney Frank have expressed concern that another problem is that a lot of the people at the Tea Parties also are supporters of the military and don’t support gay marriage. There also have been rumblings at these meeting that there should be a crack down on undocumented aliens. This especially concerns the Obama administration since they are looked upon as a source of new Democratic voters. A lot of effort has been put into making it possible for them to vote without going through the complication of actually making them citizens. This attitude is especially dangerous since these people have a poor understanding of the issues and that makes them easy to get to vote the right way… that is for big government socialism.

If allowed to grow unchecked these Tea parties are going to promote dangerous ideas like small government and low taxes and the most dangerous of all… Freedom. Tea must be made illegal to insure these dangerous ideas won’t take root.

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