Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 3/24/09

Confessions of a Dislocated Texan
Idiocies of a Misguided Presidency
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)

I long for the days that lead up to the American Revolution, you know the kind where the people being oppressed weren’t all numbskulls. The kind of days when the people that were robbed blind by their government weren’t too scared to stand up for the right cause.
When people in the 13 colonies were taxed without representation there was a pretty big stink raised about the ordeal, which later was fuel for our nations fight for freedom. In a way, this is happening again only our leaders this time are using the ruse of representation to fulfill their own needs and those of corporations who have begged to be saved from moronic ruin. We are no longer accurately represented; we are a gathering of nitwits, free for the picking of the vultures who roost in the District of Columbia.
The glory-hounds of the two party system have us so convinced that the world without them would be utterly calamitous that we dare not as a majority listen to someone outside the system. We cling onto the hope as projected by the 24-Hours news spectrum to the point that we ignore the disease that consumes any long term positive.
The talking heads of our choice aren’t trying to divide us; they’re only attempting to warn us what the other side might do if they hold onto control for too long, no matter how slanted the speech is. We were so much better off with “Insert political deity here” and “Insert antagonizing unfamiliar force here” must be only here to destroy us, though I’m not sure how their bad decisions will be better than the other person. Yes, I see how much I should be scared, because it all depends on who is burning away the value of a dollar.
Oh and let’s all give a rowdy round of applause to our commander-in-chief who is stumbling around to fix everything as quickly as possible, without really weighing the consequences. Are people really shocked that he’s doing exactly what the previous hack-job did, only with more wasted moolah?
I appreciate the half-hearted effort to let dying people smoke marijuana, but Obama must be smoking something, with plans to waste about a trillion smakers a year for the next decade. Oh we’ll help created jobs and offer better health care for the poor after we decide we’ve given enough handouts to people who haven’t worked and honest living their entire lives. It’s not like people who really try are suffering that much.
Even animals in testing labs get more credits for intelligence than these buffoons because at least they learn from their mistakes. No we get the few dumb ones that keep getting electrocuted with stupid juice and we the audience just sit there and take it for god given wisdom.
Maybe I just picked the wrong line of work, if only my economics professor hadn’t robbed me of how to be a prick and milk the common folk. I suppose I’ll just have to wallow in my self-helplessness like the rest of the entitled masses. Pass the unemployment check, I’m feeling like eating dirt tonight.

 Really Pathetic Productions 1997-2009 Menu Bar By Albatross