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Past Opinion Articles Article for the week of 3/2/09 The miracle that could save America at 2010 Olympics By Puns McKenna So the USA hasn’t got what it takes, huh? Says who? So we aren’t sending old worn blood to the Olympics in 2010. Is that any reason to cry over spilt milk? Of course not! Let’s look at it this way. We aren’t sending Michelle Kwan, or Tanya Harding, or any of the people who have caused the US certain amounts of embarrassment over the years. We’re sending the new hopefuls. And what do they have going for them? Everything, of course! Yes, it’s true that the Asians and even the Russians seem to have better skaters than us, but that’s nothing to worry over. Anybody know why? It’s easy enough. The USA is planning to use the new blue screens that have been specially designed to withstand the cold conditions on the ice. In a shocking confession, one skater revealed that he would be projecting the Incredible Hulk on the blue screen behind him as he skates. It was unclear whether he meant the 2008 movie or whether he meant the 1978 Television Series. However, it seems to me that images of the large green muscleman running around, might distract from the skater’s performance. The US may be able to pull a victory out of this, but wouldn’t it be better if we were to magically get some of the talent from the past showing up? Maybe we can spirit them all back using the time travel device from Millennium. Wouldn’t that be something? Then we could have all of the skaters from the sixties and seventies. You know, all those people that were really good skaters in their prime? Of course, if the skaters that are going would just project the skaters of old on the blue screens behind them as they skate, then perhaps the judges would be lulled by the professionals and pay very little attention to the noobs. I mean we wouldn’t want to lose because our people weren’t good enough, would we? That is what the blue screens that we see in recent skating performances are for afterall… distraction. I just hope they can perfect the technology enough by the time 2010 rolls
around. I mean we wouldn’t want to see the shadow of the edge of the screen
on the ice. It’s a bit of a distraction to the audience, who is there
to see a good show. We’ll just forget the ones that go to the Olympics
to be snotty little judges. Afterall, we don’t want to have spare a thought
for the technicality and inanity of the aficionados. We just want to enjoy
the spectacle, so long as it’s well put together. |
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