Past Opinion Articles
Article for the week of 8/10/08
Election Race Card No Longer Collectable
By Grey Politics
As soon as Barak Obama got involved in the Presidential runoffs everyone knew that at least part of the US election, even if just the Democratic nomination, would be something of a black/white thing.
In the end it is probably better than the bitch/white thing that was the alternative.
Inevitably it introduced the Race Card into circulation, hardly a surprise since it involves the first serious African American contender for the race since Bob Dole, equally unsurprising are some of the less savoury and frankly imbecilic and downright petty statements that it is bringing about.
For instance many liken Barak Obama’s rookie race card as little more than window dressing designed to show that a man with an African national father is “less black” and therefore less threatening to whites than an African American descended from slaves.
The card clearly points out to an easy smile and ability to hail a cab, indicates an eight point church attendance and a 1 over 9 rating in hip hop, the lowest score possible for anyone with melanin in their system.
This wouldn’t be so bad if it were not for the rereleased rookie cards, designed more to inform and take advantage of the new Obama notoriety than for collectors value, that mistakenly reverses the hip hop rating – thereby making Obama seem threatening to anyone over 30 regardless of race - and including the typical typo/mispronunciation that has become popular among right wing and conservative pundits, the one that alters the first name to a notorious international purveyor of chaos and terror, Barangelina Obama.
Some say this misprinting was deliberate, a less than subtle propaganda ploy by the Republicans themselves or at least their supporters in a vain effort to undercut Barak Obama’s nearly unstoppable appeal.
As further evidence they point to the recently rereleased John McCain Race Cards.
McCain’s novice level card suggests he has fire powers and the ability to turn water into wine with his only weakness being a fondness for cheeses and ice cream, while his Professional mark 2 XI Upgrade card indicates he can walk on water, generate allergenic pollen that stuns his foes and that his only weakness is dairy products, this time in the digestion.
While these weaknesses hold true the other statistics cannot possibly be so, since they would combine with the Republican Special Cards to allow McCain to form crystal armour skin or even mitigate the effects of his unique character attribute: a prostate.
Perhaps even more annoying to many is that the Hilary Clinton race cards, there were only ever two, have become highly collectable.
This is annoying because many Obama supporters organised mass burnings of the cards.
Out of a printing run of approximately 250,000 “Hilary Clinton: The White Rosa Parks” cards that listed her powers as “lightning speed” and “use Bill as a club” a mere 1000 – 1500 are estimated to exist. While a run of nearly 330,000 “Hilary Cllinton: Blacker than Mitt Romney” (the misprint is not unique it is in all cards) a card considered a gross miscalculation in every area a few hundred are thought to remain in the hands of eBay freaks.
These are the sorts of things that make what should be a remarkable election a tawdry and despicable affair.
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