Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 4/29/08

The Low… Slow… Ride
By, Puns McKenna

For forty years cool guys have been trying to create the perfect low riding car. Because of the progresses of modern technology, kids get to make their cars hydraulic. They bounce like frogs on pogo sticks. They scrape the pavement and flicker through the night with glowing lights.
Recently there was an auto show at an auto museum in Los Angeles, California. The showroom floor was filed with cars from the early sixties to the late seventies. Now, these cars are classics all on their own but most of them were sitting there looking like pimped out rides from a “Spy who shagged me” type movie.

Beautiful sunset graveyard scenes... Blue velvet… wet bar. All of these things can be found on and in a 1971 Chevy Impala. How about Roses and red crushed velvet? The artwork is fantastic… the time and effort these people put into their vehicles is amazing… But is it really that interesting? Are these cars really that sexy? I mean what’s next? Are we going to see an early 1900’s Fords… how about minivans?

That’s what I can do to contribute to the low rider fad! I’ll take my burgundy minivan… get smaller moped tires for it… and drop the chassis till it nearly touches the ground. Then I’ll paint a misty gaslight scene on it with a skeleton standing there dressed in gothic finery. We can do it to all the minivans in the world, right?

Wouldn’t that be a sight? Fleets of minivan’s driving down the road like biker’s do all summer with their fundraisers. I wonder if there’s enough pain in the world to do a project like that. Perhaps those of us that are Battletech nuts can paint our favorite Battlemechs on the sides of our minivans?

The truly funny thing would of course be when the doors on the minivan open and out spill six or seven children and mom and dad. “Okay kids, we’re going to Sea World for the day. Let’s all have fun and then we’ll turn the light strips on and show our Battlemech stomping home through orange flames and smoke.”

I can just see it now…can’t you?

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