Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 2/24/08

Obama Puts Final Touches On Knockout Blow
By, Grey News
With a slight lead, increasing cockiness and without an endorsement by a chain restaurant with requisite brands emblazoned on all vehicles, clothes and underlings Barak Obama seems to be putting together the final package to knock the Clinton Campaign bought to you by McDonalds out of the water.
The media has noticed that a large number of Girl Scouts are now attending rallies and putting up signs in favour of Barak Obama.
Analysts are not surprised by this, even before his campaign began Barak Obama had many meetings with key senior Girl Scouts, courting their favour early for although they cannot vote they possess a significant pool of manpower, so to speak, that can be employed in the electioneering process.
All across America adorable Girl Scouts are now handing out Barak Obama pamphlets along with their addictive crack cocaine laced cookies, and Barak Obama pins and badges with their delicious heroin cookies.
They have even stated that the only magic in their brownies these days is the Obamaness of a Black Commander in Chief, not illicit substances, wink wink.
As for why Girl Scouts the answer may be as simple as it seeming less paedophilic to as complex as to just how and why Obama's family is full of chicks.
Hillary Clinton's counter attack has been lacklustre at best. Her campaign bought to you by McDonalds has used up all Bill Clinton's charisma, Hillary's smarts, Bill's talent, Bill's cool, and the attempt to tap into Bill's herpes was, well just plain wrong.
Faced with dwindling resources it is unknown if Hillary Clinton's campaign bought to you by McDonalds would be able to withstand an onslaught launched by the Girl Scouts of America.
Such an event has only occurred twice, once in the Coolidge campaign where hired guns barely managed to hold the Girl Scouts back, and again during Richard Nixon's re-election, when the weaseliest man in US politics attempted to betray the Girl Scouts and ride in on a sympathy vote, only to find himself betrayed in turn, resulting in Girl Scouts overrunning the campaign office, and nearly the Oval Office until the Secret Service managed to pull it together.
Hillary has neither of these forces, and what she does possess is tired, low on donuts and just wants to go home.
Exactly what favours Barak Obama has promised the Girl Scouts of America for this extensive support is unknown. It is not unlike Republican connections to Big Oil, Big Tobacco or Big Zeppelin, without going as far as Hilary’s connection to Big Mac.
It is well known that the Girl Scouts of America would like to establish a presence in either the Middle East or the Moon, with American military ambitions tied up in one turning to cheese and the Middle East no better the Girl Scout presence may immaterial in the short term, perfect for a two term presidency, make a deal and leave the fall out to your successors and good luck to them. Also known as the Truman Strategy, this may be the beginning of a frightening new trend in cookie sales.

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