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Past Opinion Articles Article for the week of 11/30/07 Life is like another man’s Garbage By, Ezra Paul Mann One might not think it is not that important to ponder where your trash goes once the disposal man takes it away. Who has time to worry about the refuse of society when we’re all stuck on whether we’ll buy Rock Band or Guitar Hero III for Christmas? As a result of this not often thought of conundrum I wondered what a wasteland of tossed aside ideas would look like. Oh the possibilities and sorrows that might be uncovered if we could only see what someone else’s think dump looked like after they changed their mind. Open up your scull so we can have a look inside. Perhaps we should first take a look at some of the presidential candidates hoping to screw our nation over a little bit more in 2008. Every time I search the internet for news or turn on the Television I see or hear more Bologna promises from candidates that are so concerned about how they won’t be like the other person that they kind of forget what they really stand for. Would Hillary Clinton or Mitt Romney’s head look like a desolate scene from Mad Max where ideas fight for what little brain juice they can find to power their abandoned common sense mobiles? Could Mike Huckabee’s or Fred Thomson’s noggin be an orchestrated mud wrestling match between two sumo wrestlers and a hippo? I’m not ringing the bell in that showdown. Next, I suppose it’s only fair to poke at the shrunken mass of knowledge tissue that is Barry Bond’s neck decoration. At one point I’d like to see the truths he buried in the debris field and see if they aren’t suffering the same fate as prisoners in an internment camp. I imagine those honest thoughts are so malnourished that even Paula Dean’s cooking couldn’t fatten them up to the light of day again. All those home run balls pale in comparison to the testimony he’s fudged in his career. We’ll miss you poor lost factoids. Perhaps the next head to crack open and examine would be that of Bradgelina or for the non entertainment savvy, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I suppose they have done some good in this world by adopting a child from every nation, but I wonder whatever happened to the thought that the number of kids might need to end at one point. Big families are ok for cheap and nearby labor, but what does two movie stars that haven’t seen much toil outside of a gym or sauna need with the herd? Did those thoughts end up on frontal lobe survivor only to be voted off by the bad box office result natives? Maybe all those kids crawled in their parent’s noggins and roasted them ala marshmallow brain waves. Finally, let’s talk about the mugged thoughts going on in some of the older generation’s heads. I wonder if at one point the obvious idea that maybe we might run out of fossil fuels back in the 1970s somehow seemed dead as disco. I can’t seem to fathom why health care is getting less affordable and what could have happened to the light bulbs that came on when universal care got a wee mention. Shoot, I might guess that the idea that we need to be a little more careful with a vote was given a nice steady kick in the smart balls. I suppose we’ll just have to clean those up for you too. So there you have it, a look into the landfill of America’s mind. Perhaps one day we’ll get out the shovel and uncover some of those things that were actually good to think about and get them a nice meal and some attention. I know I’m always digging back through my noggin to find out what I may have left sitting in my mental wastebasket. Sure, it’s a dirty job, but I don’t believe I’ll do it for you. Think about where you toss it next time. |
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